> "It's not just the weather that's cooler in Canada"
>
> Wednesday, July 30, 2003
>
> Pittsburg, PA Post-Gazette
>
> You live next door to a clean-cut, quiet guy. He never plays loud music or
> throws raucous parties. He doesn't gossip over the fence, just smiles politely
> and offers you some tomatoes. His lawn is cared-for, his house is neat as a pin
> and you get the feeling he doesn't always lock his front door. He wears
> Dockers. You hardly know he's there.
>
> And then one day you discover that he has pot in his basement, spends his
> weekends at peace marches and that guy you've seen mowing the yard is his
> spouse.
>
> Allow me to introduce Canada.
>
> The Canadians are so quiet that you may have forgotten they're up there, but
> they've been busy doing some surprising things. It's like discovering that the
> mice you are dimly aware of in your attic have been building an espresso
> machine.
>
> Did you realize, for example, that our reliable little tag-along brother never
> joined the Coalition of the Willing? Canada wasn't willing, as it turns out, to
> join the fun in Iraq. I can only assume American diner menus weren't angrily
> changed to include "freedom bacon," because nobody here eats the stuff anyway.
>
> And then there's the wild drug situation: Canadian doctors are authorized to
> dispense medical marijuana. Parliament is considering legislation that would
> not exactly legalize marijuana possession, as you may have heard, but would
> reduce the penalty for possession of under 15 grams to a fine, like a speeding
> ticket. This is to allow law enforcement to concentrate resources on
> traffickers; if your garden is full of wasps, it's smarter to go for the nest
> rather than trying to swat every individual bug. Or, in the United States, bong.
>
> Now, here's the part that I, as an American, can't understand. These poor
> benighted pinkos are doing everything wrong. They have a drug problem:
> Marijuana offenses have doubled since 1991. And Canada has strict gun control
> laws, which means that the criminals must all be heavily armed, the law-abiding
> civilians helpless and the government on the verge of a massive confiscation
> campaign. (The laws have been in place since the '70s, but I'm sure the
> government will get around to the confiscation eventually.) They don't even
> have a death penalty!
>
> And yet ... nationally, overall crime in Canada has been declining since 1991.
> Violent crimes fell 13 percent in 2002. Of course, there are still crimes
> committed with guns -- brought in from the United States, which has become the
> major illegal weapons supplier for all of North America -- but my theory is
> that the surge in pot-smoking has rendered most criminals too relaxed to commit
> violent crimes. They're probably more focused on shoplifting boxes of Ho-Hos
> from convenience stores.
>
> And then there's the most reckless move of all: Just last month, Canada decided
> to allow and recognize same-sex marriages. Merciful moose, what can they be
> thinking? Will there be married Mounties (they always get their man!)? Dudley
> Do-Right was sweet on Nell, not Mel! We must be the only ones who really care
> about families. Not enough to make sure they all have health insurance, of
> course, but more than those libertines up north.
>
> This sort of behavior is a clear and present danger to all our stereotypes
> about Canada. It's supposed to be a cold, wholesome country of polite, beer-
> drinking hockey players, not founded by freedom-fighters in a bloody revolution
> but quietly assembled by loyalists and royalists more interested in order and
> good government than liberty and independence.
>
> But if we are the rugged individualists, why do we spend so much of our time
> trying to get everyone to march in lockstep? And if Canadians are so reserved
> and moderate, why are they so progressive about letting people do what they
> want to?
>
> Canadians are, as a nation, less religious than we are, according to polls. As
> a result, Canada's government isn't influenced by large, well-organized
> religious groups and thus has more in common with those of Scandinavia than
> those of the United States, or, say, Iran.
>
> Canada signed the Kyoto global warming treaty, lets 19-year-olds drink, has
> more of its population living in urban areas and accepts more immigrants per
> capita than the United States.
>
> These are all things we've been told will wreck our society. But I guess
> Canadians are different, because theirs seems oddly sound.
>
> Like teenagers, we fiercely idolize individual freedom but really demand that
> everyone be the same. But the Canadians seem more adult -- more secure. They
> aren't afraid of foreigners. They aren't afraid of homosexuality. Most of all,
> they're not afraid of each other.
>
> I wonder if America will ever be that cool.



AMERICAN FOREIEN POLICY STILL KICKS ASS!

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