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Women and Pregnancy <- Funny
 :up:
Just found this on another forum. Thought it would fit in well here, being controversial and all.
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Theory - Men do all the hard work in pregnancy.
Its true. I was thinking aobut this the other day and have come to the conclusion that men do all the work in pregnancy.
1 - We have to do the riding.
The woman just sits there in the bed getting fucked. The man has to do all the pumping while she just sits there getting the business done to her. Not to mention the foreplay. The woman just sits there getting flirted with. This is hard work. It takes me bloody hours to get my girl to want some luvin. Then all she does is lies on the bed and relaxes while I kill myself pumping her. And even after all that effort by ME I'm rewarded by her having a bigger, longer, more intense orgasm.
2 - We have to put up with all the shit
Bitch please. I have to get up and go to work in the mornings. I dont need you running to the toilet needing to get sick. This so called 'morning sickness' is harder for us than for you. You just get to stand there over the toilet waiting for it to come up. We have to put up with not being able to take a piss, being late for work, having to put up with the smell of rancid woman puke when we go for a dump and have to put up with hours and hours of pointless moaning about the future.
3 - We have to earn the fucking money
So what are you gonna be doing when the baby comes along?? Thats right. Sitting on your arse with the baby hanging off your right tit. We have to go out and do a days work. To feed YOU. To feed YOUR baby. And then when we get home having done all the goddamn work we have to put up with hours of shit about commitment and other such bollocks.
4 - It grows. We pay for it
Lets face it. Women moan a lot during pregnancy. "Oh my tummy" "Oh its kicking" Shut up ffs!!! You just have to sit there and let this fucking thing grow! It gets bigger on its own. You dont have to push a button, crank a lever, fix things, anything. YOU JUST SIT THERE DOING FUCK ALL. We, on the other hand, are busting ourselves earning money for it that YOU TAKE AND SPEND ON NEW PINK FRILLY SHOES FOR IT REGARDLESS OF WHETHER ITS A BOY OR A GIRL!!!
5 - The pre birth
This is what pisses me off the most. Whilst I'm trying to watch the game, after a hard days work, you start complaining about LABOUR PAINS. For gods sake woman leave it till after the match. You'll be in labour for the next 12 fucking hours, cant you wait 5 minutes until the end of extra time. But no. It has to be NOW. And whats that??? Your waters have broken??? But you dont clean it up. Oh no. Leave the man to do all the hard fucking work or face the consequences. Its your goddamn sac that broke, YOU clean it up. And when we get to the hospital I have to fucking stand while youre given a lovely comfy seat and some painkillers!! I have to stand up all evening while you're pampered!!!!
6 - The birth
So after lying in a bed for 10 hours and getting your every whim catered for, you get to be wrapped up nicely and helped in every way while the baby comes out. While I have to put up with being pushed around by annoying doctors, you do something that comes naturally to you. Give birth. But apart from a bit of pushing, thats just like a giant fat turd coming out, its nothing. Come on. If I poke you in the arm at home you scream bloody murder and complain about bruising, so giving birth isnt THAT bad. Besides, they cover you all up so you cant see it coming out. I have to watch this fucking sick red piece of shit coming out that **** which I was once proud to stick my cock into. And then its whisked away from me to give to you, like I didnt even exist.
7 - At home
And after all that crap, you sit down when you get home and claim youre tired, and that **I** have to do the babys nappy. It came out of you, you fed it your breast milk, you clear up its foetid shit.
And after all that its a boy and all the pink frilly shite you bought for a girl is either dumped, or put in the attic for 'next time'.
Well unless there's big changes and you start pulling your weight bitch, there wont be a next time.
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:roofle:
Genius.
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sorry
