lol

While proudly showing off his new apartment to friends late one night, the drunk led the way to his bedroom, where there was a big brass gong.
"What's the big brass gong for?" one of the guests asked.
"Why, that's a talking clock," the man replied.
"A gong is a talking clock? How does it work?"
"Watch this," the man said, giving the gong an ear-shattering hit with the hammer.
Suddenly, someone on the other side of the wall screamed, "For God's sake, you asshole, it's two o'clock in the morning!!"


I recently picked a new primary care physician. After two visits and exhaustive lab tests, he said I was doing "fairly well" for my age. A little concerned about that comment, I couldn't resist asking him, "Do you think I'll live to be 80?"
He asked, "Well, do you smoke tobacco or drink beer/wine?"
"Oh no," I replied. "I've never done either."
Then he asked, "Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbequed ribs?"
I said "No, I've heard that all red meat is very unhealthy!"
"Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf, sailing, ballooning, rock climbing?"
"No, I don't," I said.
He said, "Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or sexually fool around?"
"No," I said. "I've never done any of those things."
He looked at me and said, "Then why do you give a sh*t whether you live to be 80 or not?!"


Todays worst joke:

Q. Why do ducks have flat feet?
A. To stamp out forest fires.
Q. Why do elephants have flat feet?
A. To stamp out flaming ducks.

love the duck joke one of my faves :-D

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The time flies. The time flies feed on rotting clocks.

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...There's nothing to be afraid of, virtual reality will rehabilitate your mind and eventually your body. You'll be alright I promise. Just concentrate. And trust the Music.
Currently Addicted to: Covenant - Northern Light