|
dd jokes 20/10/03
Today's first joke was sent in by our old pal BOBBYCEE55.
An old hillbilly farmer had a wife who nagged him unmercifully. From morning til night (and sometimes later), she was always complaining about something. The only time he got any relief was when he was out plowing with his old mule. He tried to plow a lot.
One day, when he was out plowing, his wife brought him lunch in the field. He drove the old mule into the shade, sat down on a stump, and began to eat his lunch. Immediately, his wife began haranguing him again. Complain, nag, nag; it just went on and on. All of a sudden, the old mule lashed out with both hind feet; caught her smack in the back of the head. Killed her dead on the spot.
At the funeral several days later, the minister noticed something rather odd. When a woman mourner would approach the old farmer, he would listen for a minute, then nod his head in agreement; but when a man mourner approached him, he would listen for a minute, then shake his head in disagreement.
This was so consistent, the minister decided to ask the old farmer about it. So after the funeral, the minister spoke to the old farmer, and asked him why he nodded his head and agreed with the women, but always shook his head and disagreed with all the men.
The old farmer said, "Well, the women would come up and say how nice my wife looked, or how pretty her dress was, so I'd nod my head in agreement."
"And what about the men?" the minister asked.
"They wanted to know if the mule was for sale."
*** *** ***
Thanks to our old pal Wally for sending in today's second joke.
A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he'd found a cat. She asked him if it was dead or alive.
"Dead." She was informed.
"How do you know?" she asked her pupil.
"Because I pissed in it's ear and it didn't move," answered the child innocently.
"You did WHAT?!?" the teacher exclaimed in surprise.
"You know," explained the boy, "I leaned over and went 'Pssst!' and it didn't move."
WORST JOKE OF THE DAY
Today's worst joke was sent in by WheHud.
Two robins were sitting in a tree.
"I'm really hungry," said the first one.
"Let's fly down and find some lunch."
They flew down to the ground and found
a nice plot of newly plowed ground that was full of worms.
They ate and ate and ate till they could eat no more.
"I m so full, I don't think I can fly back up into the tree,"
said the first one.
"Let's just lay back here and bask in the warm sun," said the second.
"O K," said the first.
So they plopped down, basking in the sun.
No sooner than they had fallen asleep,
when a big fat tomcat up and gobbled them up.
As the cat sat washing his face after his meal,
he thought...
I just love baskin' robbins!
|
