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Martin McG
Old School TA



Registered: Apr 2002
Location: Glasgow
Lightbulb FBi stories (funny!)

Just had to share this with you all i found it on samplecity.net!


Every year the FBI is asked to investigate over 36,000 Serious Crimes including Suspicious Deaths and Homicides. Every year the Homicide Investigations Unit puts out its Top 12 Homicides of the year.

1- Alex Mijtus, 36 years old, is killed by his wife, armed with a
20-inch long vibrator. Mrs Mijtus had enough of her husband's strange sex practices and one night during a prolonged session of fun she snapped, pushing all 20 inches of the vibrator into Alex's anus until it ruptured several internal organs and caused severe bleeding.
OWWWW!!!!

2- Debby Mills-Newbroughton, 99 years old, was killed as she crossed the road. She was to turn 100 the next day, but crossing the road with her daughter to go to her own birthday party her wheel chair was hit by the truck delivering her birthday cake.

3- Peter Stone, 42 years old, is murdered by his 8-year-old daughter, who he had just sent to her room with no dinner. Young Samantha Stone felt that if she couldn't have dinner no one should, and she promptly inserted 72 rat poison tablets into her father's coffee as he prepared dinner. The victim took one sip and promptly collapsed. Samantha Stone was given a suspended sentence as the judge felt she didn't realize what she was doing, until she tried to poison her mother using the same method one month later.

4- David Danil, 17 years old, was killed by his girlfriend after he attempted to have his way with her. His unwelcome advance was met with a double-barrelled shotgun. Charla's (the girlfriends') father had given it to her an hour before the date started, just in case.

5- Javier Halos, 27 years old, was killed by his landlord for failing to pay his rent for 8 years. The landlord, Kirk Weston, clubbed the victim to death with a toilet seat after he realized just how long it had been since Mr Halos paid his rent.

6- Megan Fry, 44 years old, is killed by 14 state troopers after she wandered onto a live firing, fake town, simulation. Seeing all the troopers walking slowly down the street Megan Fry had jumped out in front of them and yelled Boo! The troopers, thinking she was a pop up target, fired 67 shots between them, over 40 of them hitting the target. She just looked like a very "real looking" target, one of the troopers stated in his report.

7- Julia Smeeth, 20 years old, was killed by her brother Michael because she talked on the phone too long, Michael clubbed his sister to death with a cordless phone, then stabbed her several times with the broken aerial.

8- Helena Simms, wife to the famous American nuclear scientist Harold Simms was killed by her husband after she had an affair with the neighbour. Over a period of 3 months Harold substituted Helena's eye shadow with a Uranium composite that was highly radioactive, until she died of radiation poisoning. Although she suffered many symptoms, including total hair loss, welts, blindness, extreme nausea and even hadan ear lobe drop off, the victim never attended a doctor's surgery or hospital for a check up.

9- Military Sergeant John Joe Winter killed his two-timing wife by loading her car with Trintynitrate explosive (similar to C4). The Ford Taurus she was driving wasfilled with 750 kgs of explosive, forming a force twice as powerful as the Oklahoma Bombing. The explosion was heard by several persons some up to 14 kilometres away. No trace of the car or the victim were ever found, only a 55 meter deep crater, and 500m of missing road.

10- Patty Winter, 35 years old, was killed by her neighbour in the early hours of a Sunday morning. Her neighbour, Falt Hame, for years had a mounted F6 phantom jet engine in his rear yard. He would fire the jet engine, aimed at an empty block at the back of his property.
Patty Winter would constantly complain to the local sheriff's officers about the noise and the potential risk of fire. Mr Hame was served with a notice to remove the engine immediately. Not liking this he invited Miss Winter over for a cup of coffee and a chat about the whole situation. What Winter didn't know was that he had changed the position of the engine, as she walked into the yard he activated it, hitting her with a blast of 5,000 degrees, killing her instantly, and forever burning her outline into the driveway.

11- Michael Lewis, angry with his gay boyfriend, used the movie, Die Hard With a Vengeance as inspiration. He drugged his boyfriend, Tony Berry, into an almost catatonic state, then dressed him only in a double-sided white board that read Death to all ******s! On one side, and God Loves the KKK on the other. Lewis then drove the victim to downtown Harlem and dropped him off. Two minutes later Berry was deceased.

12- Conrad Middleton, 26 years old, was killed by his twin brother Brian after a disagreement over who should take the family home after their parents' passed away. Conrad had a nasal problem, and had no sense of smell. After the argument Brian stormed out of the house, then snuck back later, and turned on the 3 gas taps in the house, filling it with gas. He then left out a box of cigars, a lighter and a note saying, Sorry for the spree, have a puff on me, Brian. Conrad promptly lit a cigar, destroying the house, and himself in the process.


___________________
This was a place of fun and madness that is sadly long gone now

All the best to all the UKTAs

08/01/16

Big Dave/little Dave

Old Post Nov-22-2002 17:42  Scotland
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Munken
Supreme tranceaddict



Registered: Oct 2001
Location: Copenhagen, Denmark

quote:
6- Megan Fry, 44 years old, is killed by 14 state troopers after she wandered onto a live firing, fake town, simulation. Seeing all the troopers walking slowly down the street Megan Fry had jumped out in front of them and yelled Boo! The troopers, thinking she was a pop up target, fired 67 shots between them, over 40 of them hitting the target. She just looked like a very "real looking" target, one of the troopers stated in his report.


HAHAHAHA OMG


___________________

Livet er en lang lort....
Jeg tager bare større bider end andre.

Old Post Nov-22-2002 17:58  Denmark
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AnotherWay83
The B00b Maintenance Guy™



Registered: Aug 2000
Location: land of d(-_-)b

those ppl. are fuckin sick

Old Post Nov-22-2002 18:12 
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whiskers
old skool



Registered: Sep 2001
Location: in your dreams
Re: FBi stories (funny!)

quote:
Originally posted by Martin McG
2- Debby Mills-Newbroughton, 99 years old, was killed as she crossed the road. She was to turn 100 the next day, but crossing the road with her daughter to go to her own birthday party her wheel chair was hit by the truck delivering her birthday cake.




talk about irony






and for the rest






jeez, people need to see this old thread!


___________________

Old Post Dec-16-2003 03:48  Ukraine
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Mebot
Maverick



Registered: Nov 2002
Location: Seattle
Re: FBi stories (funny!)

quote:
Originally posted by Martin McG
6- Megan Fry, 44 years old, is killed by 14 state troopers after she wandered onto a live firing, fake town, simulation. Seeing all the troopers walking slowly down the street Megan Fry had jumped out in front of them and yelled Boo! The troopers, thinking she was a pop up target, fired 67 shots between them, over 40 of them hitting the target. She just looked like a very "real looking" target, one of the troopers stated in his report.


LOL omg thats hilarious!

quote:


10- Patty Winter, 35 years old, was killed by her neighbour in the early hours of a Sunday morning. Her neighbour, Falt Hame, for years had a mounted F6 phantom jet engine in his rear yard. He would fire the jet engine, aimed at an empty block at the back of his property.
Patty Winter would constantly complain to the local sheriff's officers about the noise and the potential risk of fire. Mr Hame was served with a notice to remove the engine immediately. Not liking this he invited Miss Winter over for a cup of coffee and a chat about the whole situation. What Winter didn't know was that he had changed the position of the engine, as she walked into the yard he activated it, hitting her with a blast of 5,000 degrees, killing her instantly, and forever burning her outline into the driveway.


JEEBUS! wow thats amazing

quote:

11- Michael Lewis, angry with his gay boyfriend, used the movie, Die Hard With a Vengeance as inspiration. He drugged his boyfriend, Tony Berry, into an almost catatonic state, then dressed him only in a double-sided white board that read Death to all ******s! On one side, and God Loves the KKK on the other. Lewis then drove the victim to downtown Harlem and dropped him off. Two minutes later Berry was deceased.


Hahahah thats funny too but damn!

some people got a lot of nerve

Old Post Dec-16-2003 06:12 
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occrider
Traveladdict



Registered: Oct 2000
Location: New York

Sorry, too good/funny to be true

http://www.snopes.com/humor/jokes/fbitop20.htm


___________________
Retro ...

Old Post Dec-16-2003 06:16  United States
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Chris d(-_-)b
Supreme tranceaddict



Registered: Jul 2003
Location: 12500' AGL

quote:
Originally posted by occrider
Sorry, too good/funny to be true

http://www.snopes.com/humor/jokes/fbitop20.htm



Yup. Funny though


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Selling some records!

Old Post Dec-16-2003 12:50  Finland
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vmc
Travelling Without Moving



Registered: Jan 2002
Location: Poland

these people are nuts


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PvD Planet

Old Post Dec-16-2003 13:12  Poland
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xtr3m
Supreme tranceaddict



Registered: Mar 2002
Location: Vancouver

No, those, who thought that this is real, are nuts.

Old Post Dec-16-2003 16:01  Ukraine
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DJ-Fuq
gone



Registered: Apr 2002
Location: nowhere

quote:
Originally posted by xtr3m
No, those, who thought that this is real, are nuts.

exactly

Old Post Dec-16-2003 16:22 
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Slylee
love lockdown



Registered: May 2001
Location: Hollywood, FL

quote:
Originally posted by xtr3m
No, those, who thought that this is real, are nuts.


you mean it's not real


On a more realistic note, my cousin is in the FBI and was sitting in her car one day outside of a McDonalds waiting for her husband. She had her vest on and gun and everything under her clothes...some bum walks up to her w/ a trench coat on and says, “Hey lady, I wanna show you something”. He then proceeded to open up his coat revealing his naked body. My cousin very calmly said, “Hey I wanna show you something too.” She whips out her pistol and clicks it…all she saw was ass and elbows after that. True story


___________________

My soliloquy may be hard for some to swallow, but so is cod liver oil.
quote:
Originally posted by notelfreak
man i can't believe i tried to come off as responsible in that other thread, i am so full of shit just don't tell anyone

Last edited by Slylee on Dec-16-2003 at 20:01

Old Post Dec-16-2003 19:55 
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TranceAddict Forums > Main Forums > Chill Out Room > FBi stories (funny!)
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