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F U Mtv
a friend of a friend wrote the following in his livejournal, and i thought it was really good:
| quote: | F U MTV
Last Saturday night, as with any, I found myself awake at 2:30 in the morning, too tired to go to bed. It was well passed the hour of any reasonably amusing TV, and I passed time in front of another reality show replicant. This one consisted of scouring a stranger’s room, in an endeavor to uncover their embarrassing secrets and then decide whether or not to date them.
As my eyes grew redder it hit me again. MTV is a plague trying to destroy music as we know it. This was not the first time that I had been horrified by the reality of a major corporation’s domination of an art form. It hits me in tidal waves every few days, causing me to run as far away from basic cable as my CDs will allow.
Comedian Lewis Black once said “MTV is to music as KFC is to chicken” and I’m inclined to agree. It has steadily declined into a vast infrastructure of ratings and dollar signs. In 1992 MTV covered the Paradise festival in the Netherlands, featuring some of the most influential music of the last ten years. Eleven years later rappers rhyme atrocious lyrics to dull-witted repetitive beats and talk about their wondrous lives of crime, objectification of women, and flashing their money to advertise that they’ve sold out and that’s A ok. Punk rock “wannabees” all whine about girls leaving them and then wallow in their musical self-pity. I wonder if it’s the same girl leaving them all. It must be because why else would all those bands sound the same? Between twenty-inch rims, Bacardi, spiked black hair, and black eye make up I can’t find the music. It’s so cliché it’s as if they’re making fun of themselves.
If you don’t know what I’m talking about let me explain the symptoms. You know when you crap your pants? That’s it! This so called “Music” crawls into your ear as you fall victim to its projected image. It bounces around inside your skull, sending its reverberating lack of melodies and talent crawling over the landscape of your mind. It whispers to you; “Hey this songs great! The creator has a speaker system with four-wheel-drive, the most ridiculous clothes ever made out of an endangered species, is famous just for being famous and some dumb girl on TRL just gave a shout out to everyone in the state of New Jersey while it was playing! It must be good!”
As it travels down your spinal cord, it numbs your entire nervous system, so your body can’t convulse uncontrollably. Gentlemen beware; it will next try to take from you what you hold most dear- your balls. Yes that’s right; your testicles will shrink to the size of capers and there’s no fancy pill to reverse it. But women of course lack the equipment for that so…well quite frankly you’re missing out. Balls are fun.
In its final stage the advanced MTV virus goes for your bowels and that is of course the point at which you crap your pants and let’s face it; that’s just embarrassing. However this isn’t the limit of the disease. Other side effects may include dry skin, weight loss, weight gain, headaches, dry mouth, aches and pains, drowsiness, frequent mood swings, high blood pressure, nausea, diarrhea, spontaneous herpes, being a loser, instant retardation and death. You should also not watch MTV if you are pregnant or nursing, are required to operate heavy machinery, if you have any self-respect, if you don’t want to be a tool or if you have enough money to buy bling bling.
The virus affects everyone but only those with an IQ of over 80 will be affected by the symptoms. All others will most likely be oblivious to or in denial of their condition. Perhaps the most shocking thing is that the virus is easily transmittable. It can travel to you wallet and force you to spend endless sums of money so its victim can look like certain so called “artists”. This will then influence the poor imbeciles near by, who have no taste and style of their own, causing an outbreak.
The virus has neurological effect as well, influencing judgment. Victims have been known to make horrible reasoning mistakes such as watching The Real World, Road Rules, Dismissed, Room Raiders and TRL. This could signify that the virus is mutating further; surpassing bad music by leaving the music behind and becoming Reality TV on a stick. Thus what was once a channel devoted to music has become an infection of cheap imitations, polluted culture and sick addictions to false realities.
MTVs current official classification is a type of fever. Not dance fever or Saturday night fever, but “wow this really sucks” fever. There is no known cure and the best way to be safe is to stay away from that freakin’ channel. Remember; if it’s not on MTV, it’s probably awesome. |
see, not only TAs hate MTV 
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5 fuckin stars!
