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<joke>
A drunken man who smelled like beer sat down on a subway seat next to a priest. The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half-empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began reading.
After a few minutes, the man turned to the priest and asked, "Say, Father, what causes arthritis?"
"My son, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol, and a contempt for your fellow man," the priest said.
"Well, I'll be damned," the drunk muttered, returning to his paper.
The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologized. "I'm very sorry. I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?"
"I don't have it, Father. I was just reading here that the Pope does," the man said.
There were three bulls standing in the field one day. The largest of the three asked the others, "Hey, did you hear that the farmer is bringing in a new bull today?"
To which the smallest replied, "Yeah, I heard he's the biggest, meanest bull in the county. He'll probably take all my cows away from me."
The medium-sized bull agreed, "He's mean all right. He'll probably take at least half my cows away."
The biggest bull snorted and said, "He's not taking any of my cows. I'll fight him first!"
About that time, the farmer's truck pulled into the field. The back gate crashed open and out charged the biggest, maddest bull any of them had ever seen. He immediately began pawing the ground with his hoof, snorting and slinging his head around so everyone could see how huge his horns were.
The largest of the first three bulls was the first to speak, with a little tremor in his voice, "I don't think I've ever seen such a huge bull -- he'll probably take half my cows whether I want him to or not!"
The medium bull said, "He'll no doubt take all my cows, I don't have a chance."
The smallest bull thought for a moment, then began slinging his head about wildly, pawing the ground as if to challenge the new bull to a fight. His two friends couldn't believe their eyes!
"What are you doing?" they asked, "he's going to come over here and clobber you!"
"That's okay," replied the smallest bull, "I just want to make sure he knows that I'm a bull!"
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