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Russian Hitman
The hitman
Two old friends were about to tee off at the first hole of
their local golf course when a chap carrying a golf
bag called out to them, "Do you mind if I join you? My
partner didn't show up."
"Sure," they said. "You're welcome."
Part way around the course, one of the friends asked the
newcomer, "What do you do for a living?"
"I'm a hitman," was the reply.
"You're joking!" was the response.
"No, I'm not," he said, reaching into his golf bag and pulling
out a beautiful Martini sniper's rifle with a
large telescopic sight. "Here are my tools."
"That's a beautiful telescopic sight," said the other friend.
"Can I take a look? I think I might be able to
see my house from here."
He picked up the rifle and looked through the sight in
the direction of his house. "Yeah, I can see my house all
right. This sight is fantastic. I can see right in the window.
Wow, I can see my wife in the bedroom. Ha-ha, I can see she's
naked! What's that? Wait a minute, that's my neighbor in
there with her... he's naked as well! The bitch!"
He turned to the hitman, "How much do you charge for a
hit?"
"I do a flat rate. For you, $1,000 every time I pull the
trigger."
"Can you do two for me now?"
"Sure, what do you want?"
"First, shoot my wife. She's always been mouthy, so
shoot her in the mouth. Then the neighbor. He's a friend of mine,
so just shoot his dick off to teach him a lesson."
The hitman took the rifle and took aim, standing
perectly still for a few minutes. "Are you going to do it or not?" said the man impatiently.
"Just wait a moment, be patient," said the hitman calmly.
"I think I can save you a grand here..."
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Comedy genius. 
