...the other half will probably come somewhere around the middle of this post, when I finish off the next cup of Bailey's and hot chocolate.

So essentially I've wasted most of the day on this forum, the first half of the day due to wanting just about anything to distract myself from the horrible 10-page essay I had to write on some ridiculously annoying and pointless stories from some guy named Kafka, whose name reminds me primarily, if not solely, of the supervillain in the original Final Fantasy VI for the Super FamiCom, and the second half of the day due to the fact that I'm an electrical engineer and am legally barred from having any kind of real social life for the next month and a half - honestly, I think if I tried to go to a club, the police would show up, drag me back home in cuffs, and slam my face into an open electronics textbook. But I digress, since this is not the focus of my rant.

Getting to the point again, basically I've noticed a peculiarity - or should I say, an extremely goddamn annoying habit that only seems to get more annoying the more I have to deal with it - among people. This obsession is that they always have to warn me that I might not like something before they give it to me. In extreme cases, not only do they feel the need to warn me beforehand, but they also insist on warning me AFTER I've received it but before I've had a chance to react.

Now honestly, what the fcuk? Do people somehow think I'm going to feel sorry for them if they put themselves down, and that I'll tell them I'm impressed even if I think I've been given the most worthless piece of shit ever?

Some examples:
- "Here's my part of the lab report. Sorry, I know it kind of sucks."
- "Here's my pic, I know I'm ugly" (followed by, exactly 4.7 nanoseconds after me having received the picture, "see? you didn't say anything, that means you think I'm ugly").
- "Yeah, I made this track. It's not very good..."
- "I drew this. I dunno, people tell me it's good but I don't really think so."
- "I really want to hang out but I don't think I'm a lot of fun"
- "What do you think of this letter... I know I can't write for shit"
- etc.

Okay, people, this is not even about self-esteem anymore, this is about friggin' common sense. Honestly, WHAT do you think you're accomplishing with these disclaimers? If the lab report sucks, I'm going to tell you to rewrite it. If you're ugly, well then you're ugly. If the track is not good, I won't put it in my playlist. If the picture sucks, it won't make it into my wallpaper. If the letter is poorly written, I'll correct the shit that's wrong with it and give it back to you. If you're the most irritating person I could ever dream of hanging out with (and it's quite possible you are when you insist on warning me in advance of the bad time we're going to have), then I'm not going to hang out with you again. Either way, the freakin' disclaimer isn't going to do any good - sure, I'll be polite and try not to hurt your feelings when I'm looking/listening/reading, but I WOULD HAVE DONE THAT ANYWAY. In fact, the only thing this negative self-criticism can do is HURT things in the long run, because it's pre-disposing me to be disappointed and making me instinctively look for the bad things!

Is this some ridiculous defense mechanism? It's like fishing for a compliment, or what? I guess these people know that I'm going to be polite, and they think that if they tell me it sucks, and I say it's decent, that counts as a compliment? For god's sake, just give me the damn thing and shut up about it! YOUR "MODESTY" IS COMPLETELY TRANSPARENT. Truly modest people just let their work speak for itself and accept a compliment graciously when received. They don't FISH for them.

This seems especially true with girls and their pictures on forums and stuff - NO, you're not fooling ANYONE, I KNOW you think you're hot shit, or at least you think you might be hot shit because sometimes guys tell you that you're hot, and you're just freakishly afraid that someone else WON'T think so, so in order to protect your ego you wrap it all up in a little blanket of insecurity by saying that you think you're really ugly, so you don't look friggin' stupid if someone thinks that you really only rate a 7 out of 10. Who cares, anyway? If you're unhappy with the way you look, then go get some goddamn plastic surgery or even better, DON'T POST YOUR PICS 10,000 TIMES.

Honestly, is it so hard to give me something without the god-forsaken play-by-play commentary? Just give me the report, give me the essay, give me the picture, give me the track, without giving me your life story along with it!

Here's a quick recap of what to do when you're giving someone something for evaluation or even just for fun:
1. Give it to them.
2. Shut the fuck up.

THAT'S IT! IT'S SO &^$#@^$(!&^@#(!@#ing SIMPLE SO WHY CAN'T YOU DO IT!? SPARE ME THE FINE PRINT AND JUST GIVE IT TO ME!!!!

Thanks... you've been a wonderful audience.

___________________
My party schedule:
2009-02-21 - DJ Attention @ I'm So Popular
2009-06-18 - DJ Annoying @ People Need To Know Where I'll Be
2012-11-32 - DJ Insufferable ɸ Or At Least the Stalkers I Complain About
2048-06-66 - Spastic & Whocares ¶ Although I'm Actually Flattered
9999-45-81 - Tweaker Gimp ☼ I Probably Won't Even Go To This But I Have To Make Sure I Fill Up All The Available Space Here