In my short time in this forum I have noticed more over-sized egos than you would find at a global political summit. In many parts of the world these people are called wankers, but to be nice I'll simply call them regular users.

Many posters seem to instead of offering opinions on what they like or don't like about trance, they post pictures saying "stupid thread" (a sure sign of limited intelligence) or flame the poster for not realising there was a similar post 3 years ago (a sure sign that person doesn't have a life and hasn't had sex for at least 12 months) or says the posters opinion is crap (a sure sign that perrson is probably a geek with think glasses and a fat stomach.

Now I wish to flash a glimpse of my eternally deep knowledge of dance music by explaining in detail the correct terminology for places people go to listen to dance music.

Festival - It must start during the day, and you must pay for entry. These are usually out-doors and they attract lots of people, and usually have well-known headline acts. Also included is a user guide to the terms.

Rave - Indoors and at night, music must be hard and the ravers and djs must be slightly undergroundish in some way. Be prepared for an increase in your social status if using this term around the general public, as ravers are considered 'cool'.

Party - These are held at private locations and there is no cost for entry. Any type of music allowed. Use the word party around members of the general public can fool people into thinking you have friends.

Doof - Outdoor event at least 20 kms from a major city or town. Can be night or day. Can either be free or cost entry. Crew and DJ must be undergroundish. Use of this term entitles the user to unimagined levels of exclusiveness and almost hardcore status among the public and regular dance fans, use with caution if there is little basis for you bragging.

Event - There is a cost for entry to an event. Usually held at a club or a venue where bands and other life music plays. Can be headlined by a major act. Use this term if you wish to impress people by having some money, as these can be expensive and are often attended by the non-dance crew. Usually the people there can't dance so use the term loosely around experienced dance-event-goers.

Clubbing - This is done at a nighclub, and generally you have to pay for entry, but its not essential. You can use this term loosely but it can often give people an image that although you appear happy you are really a 30-year old person who wasted their lives taking people and being in bad relationships.

Now any incorrect use of these terms from now on in the Trance Addict forums will result in punishment from myself and any approved members of the wanker or dickhead societies.