shock and awe and dating part 2.


after 2 rather unsucessful dates with an extremely attractive woman who i felt was no less my equal in brawn and brains, I dashed to the Madison for a date with destiny. It was there I would meet my soon to be girlfriend's crew of tightly knit friends for the first time.

I begged her to sing the chorus to the hit song "here comes my man" as i aproached them in hopes of stressing the dramatic and intensly awkward nature of what was about to transpire. I was Jesus to their Pontious Pilot.

Consisting mainly of ex-boyfriends and scantily clad girls (kittens every one of them) I proceeded to make my rounds shaking hands and kissing babies as they say. Avoiding all direct eye contact and laughing wildly at their attempts to question my choice in clothing for the evening ( a rather dashing cream coloured 2 piece suit purchased at Boca, matching canvas shoes with turcoise t-shirt a la' Don Johnson my personal hero and confidant, spiced up with the addiion of a Reebok sweat band and Puma skull cap)

an urgent desire to deaden myself with booze saw me order trays of shooters for the "gang" as i so lovingly refered to them.
I treated them as old friends, inquiring into their love lives, brashly offering dated and unusable advice I quoted verbatim from Dr. Phil.com, critisizing and challanging their presumptions on why my soon to be girlfriend always hooks up with assholes, assuring them i was the exception to that oft proven and steadfast rule.

My date cast the usual barrage of awkward glances, eye rolls, shooing motions and disappointed head nods my way as i charmed her friends with stories of the Peloponesian Wars, told in real time with any make shift prop i could find. Before concluding with a diatribe on the impending invasion of Sparta using 2 coasters, a pitcher of bitters and 4 bar maids, I was polielty asked to leave the bar by an unusually large bouncer.

apparently my boyish antics had cost me my entrance to the bar, and so intoxicated was i with booze, (and love non?) i proudly left as i signaled to my date and her friends to follow in likewise fashion to find a more reputable establishment. the fool i was for they had not seen my signal, I quickly found myself standing on the sidewalk in sub arctic weahter, my canvas shoes of no insulation, and my wallet still in the bar. Surely my date upon learning of my dismissal would storm out of the bar to my aid.

I would wait.... in vein.

After what seemed like 2 hours, (but was in fact closer to 3) I spotted my date and one of her many gal pals heading out, I shouted like an injured fox as i scampered her way, visualizing the joyous moment when we would embrace, "lets get you home and out of those wet clothes" she would say as i lovingly grabed her by the waist holding her ever so close in a show of passion and ownership to all who would challange.
alas, the cold was too great, I could not reach her before she retreated to a taxi cab with several others, their destination to some sort of late-night clandestine gang bang no doubt.

There i stood, my skin frost bitten, and my heart broken.

My one chance at love was fading slowly into the urban horizion, I could only assume those single fingered hand gestures that came from the cab window were directed at someone other than yours truly.

I was reminded of Winstion Churchill who wrote of the British Empire's greatest achievements:
"in war: resolve, in defeat: defiance, in victory: magnanimity, and in peace: good will"


bosa M.D.