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Sounds like a good start, but needs a bit more complexity I think. The melody is quite nice, but doesn't end up developing much.
The build-up at 3:00 definitely needs more dynamic elements, swells, snare rolls and all that. About the strings in the breakdown, you might try adding another string part, all bass notes, panned separately to the other strings. That always fattens up the good old stringy breakdowns nicely.
All the best 
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Monsoon - Astrosurf
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