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Absolutely right - it's all about 'who you know'. However, until you get yourself out there and start talking to people, you won't know anyone.
I've found the best way to get gigs is to get out there and start networking. Go to as many club night and parties that represent your style of music and possible. (This shouldn't be an unpleasant thing to do - you love the music and you love going out, right? ). Talk to as many people as you can - find who the promoters and DJ's are and have a chat with them. Don't rush in with "I'm a DJ and I'd love a gig...." but find out more about the clubs, the parties, the individuals involved, learn what they do at the moment and what they'd like to do in the future. Talk to your fellow clubbers as well: find out where they go, what they like, what they dislike, what scene they're into. Ask them who the 'names' are in that particular scene: a golden rule of networking is if a certain person can't help you, ask them if they know someone who can. Build up a list of names, then go out and find them. If *they* can't help you, ask who can. Repeat the process and repeat again.
Keep every phone number and email address you're given. Never throw any contact details away - you never know when they might come in useful!
Take some demo CD's with you when you go out. It can get expensive but you need to have stuff with you that backs up your credentials as a great new up-and-coming DJ so make the best demo you can and give it out liberally. You never know who might end listening to it, even if you only give CD's out to your fellow clubbers. I gave a demo CD to a random girl at a club, we became friends and she asked me to DJ at her birthday party where a couple of promoter friends of hers were also there. I got a gig as a result of this.
A lot of this advice might sound obvious but it really works. Two years ago, I didn't even realise there was a big trance scene in my area. I went to a one-off trance night at a local club that normally plays house, met some like-minded people who introduced me to a huge, growing underground trance scene and (eventually) I got booked to play at some of their parties. Had I not gone out and talked to people, I never would've known this scene existed.
Finally, if all the above doesn't work, take the plunge and put on your own night. Install yourself as resident, book some friends as DJ's and see who you get through the door. I know plenty of people who've done this and have landed gigs in fairly high places. I'm thinking of setting up my own night myself - but that's another story. 
Good luck! 
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