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Cuervo79
Senior tranceaddict

Registered: Aug 2003
Location: Guatemala
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well, first of all what do you want to get out of this relationship? do you want to spend the rest of your life with this gal, is this a passing thing, how old are you.
My opinion if this happened to me (since i´m not looking to get married right now) I would not care too much just enjoy the relationship. I she is less into you than you are into her there is IMHO no way back or a way to make her get into you more, the only thing you can do is get answers and talk to her about it, you will have to take the email into account, this will undoubtebly (sp?) rock the boat hard, so be aware of consequences.
As I said it all depends on what your goals relationship wise are, and if you have not had a little experience with past girlfriends, this will be quite dificult, in seeing past this girl and knowing that this is not what you want, and go look somewere else.
My point of view is pretty messed up since I have very little personal experience in serious relationships, maybe I´m jaded in the idea that there has to be balance in everything of the relationship, with this in mind I answered.
___________________
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Oct-25-2004 22:55
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varun
Sunbaked
Registered: Dec 2003
Location: Bangkok
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Girls that don't know what they want are best avoided.
If you really do want a shot with this girl although the chances are slim then do one thing. Whatever you are doing right now do just the opposite. If you are seeing her a lot, completely stop seeing her. In other words, minimize all kinds of contact with her. If this change in you does come to her attention and she shows it as well i.e asks where you've been/why you are not talking to her then that means you mean something to her although you will have to clarify that. If she dosen't really care she won't bother noticing either.
This is just to make you feel better and hope that you do get lucky and all goes well. The same thing happened to me and it stretched over 6-7 months and ended in the most painful way possible.
I would say get out as soon as you can.
Good luck to you.
___________________
Spacy dreamer
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Oct-25-2004 23:14
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Halcyon+On+On
Liebchen

Registered: Sep 2004
Location: midcoast
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Are people not allowed to like others at this point? She's obviously not made any significant commitment towards you, otherwise you would feel it and be happy about it.
Instead, she causes you depression by thinking of another...it hurts, I'm sure, but what can you really do about it? You can't control her actions, and you shouldn't even try, all you can do is stay devoted to her if you truly feel that is the best course of action. If you doubt that it would do much good, you're probably right - there is no 'correct path' to take in a meaningful relationship, it all comes down to personal decisions. Do what you feel would be best - what was your first reaction? There is no room in a relationship that is meant to last for hidden feelings from either you or her.
At this point, I would just talk to her. It may not sound good that you were snooping on your computer (fess up! ), but if she's truly worth all of this trouble, she'll understand that your feelings for her supercede any minor infraction such as 'invading the privacy of her computer'. 
___________________
There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio,
Than are dreamt of in your philosophy.
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Oct-25-2004 23:16
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töbias
Supreme tranceaddict

Registered: Sep 2004
Location: Melbourne.
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This situation really hurts. You think things are a certain way, and all of sudden you realise they are not.
But lets put the emotional torment aside and not be naďve for just a moment. Girls at college, especially if they are attractive and smart and have a shade of independence (the kind of girls I like) will often be reluctant to tie themselves down totally, and often will enjoy meeting other guys, even if just for friendship. And the guys that usually meet them are more than willing to be completely committed. But therein lies the problem.
Your two choices are as follows:
1. Terminate the relationship. No-one can blame you.
2. Make her chase you a little. Do whatever you can to ensure there is no routine in the things you do. Do not get lovey lovey and shower her with attention. Don't tell her sweet nothings, do not tell her you snooped and found her email, do not buy her presents. Be happy, exagerrate how good things are in your life. Maybe make her jealous by telling her about other girls that like you or that you have hung out with.
Most likely your ego is hurt more than your feelings, but you must realise that this is normal and the fact she is bothered by liking someone else as well means that she does in fact like you. This is most likely caused by her becoming a little bored. So take her for dinner somewhere romantic, don't have deep and meaningfuls just have fun, be as independent as possible, and don't get into any sort of routine with her.
Good luck.
___________________
"The first stage of the great adventure has concluded happily, and here I am installed in Mexico, although I have no idea about the future" Che Guevara
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Oct-25-2004 23:19
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