the way you say U feel, I can easily understand it... I mean, I met a girl this summer, it was love at first night (no, I am not reffering to anything sexual, we do not base our relationship in anyway on anything sexual-related - both yet virgins), and we've been together for 4 months now... it's been Heaven and Hell, cuz it hurts me to see her, to see so much beauty on this Earth, to know how much she suffers becasue of the people around us...

anyway, nothing bad happened to us yet... but I would be wrecked if anything like that would...

U don't exactly have anything to lose if U go and talk with her... but don't be to pushy, by what I know girls tend to be scared and go away from such person, freightened maybe by their insistence. so do it once and only once, try and get all Ur things straight before U meet...
on the other hand, sometimes U need to know how far to "beg". because if she knows U'll do everything and anything for her, she'll just play you, and there's no use in that, just more sufference. or she would go out with U, for a while, out of mercy... it's up to U to judge that, because U know her better then we could, so...

I know the answer might not be very clear. that's because it is different, from case to case, and nobody can give a really good, that "best" advice in such circumstances. in the end, the decission is Urs.

but let's just say if the girl 'm with would lave me the way U did, I'd ask her once, to straighten things out. I deserve a reason, for all the night unslept, thinkin' of her, and all the days my only goal was sein' her, pleasin' her. so I would go for it once, that's all. I can't really say U have done so yet, tho some attempts u said there were.
if she comes, don't try to make her come back to you, if she does it is very probably it is either just sex or pity... but ask for a reason, U have this right. and if she doesn't give U one, I would say to her "I guess I never really knew U" and I would leave. that sorrow, believe me, it's easier to take then the pain she might continue to cause.

luck! and sorry if I have repeated my ideas in this post...

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Kultified TrancEr

I understand your plight d00d. I've felt the same way about people in the past. Half the problem is you get worked up so much over your own obsession for her that it blows it up more than what it really is. In other words, I wouldn't necessarily call it love. Its too early in the game for that. (No, i dont believe in love at first site - i believe in LUST at first site)... but i wouldn't necessarily call this lust - more like an obsession (mix of love/lust)....

And absence makes the heart grow fonder, so her being away for a long time right after you met her, that kinda explodes your mind with the few short weeks you had together in the beginning.

Sounds like to me that she was just in it for the physical lovin'... doesn't sound like she was really into you in a "love" or "relationship" kinda way. Don't be hurt by that though, i've known some girls like that and they are NOT the girls you want to get emotionally involved with.

You have to look at it this way: better that you found this out now than a year down the road with her, where you would have been in a serious depression.

I am no expert on relationships, but i've seen this stuff before (and experienced it too).... you eventually will put it past you - the key is to go hang out with your friends, try not to think of her... basically engage yourself in any activity that doesn't make you remember or think of her. Don't call her, and definitely, definitely don't sleep with her. As tempting as it may be, that will only open more wounds and make the situation worse.

I think she's already made it clear that she doesn't have any interest in a relationship, just a 'friends with benefits' type thing. It would only be in your best interest in NOT sleeping with her. (this is funny, b/c usually the guy and girl roles are reversed in this kind of relationship)....... just look at it from the other view - if YOU were the guy wanting only sex, and SHE was the girl wanting the relationship, and you know how girls always say "i won't sleep with you anymore till you go 'out' with me....." yeah yeah yeah, i know that stuff!

well, throw that down on her and see what she says.... she will HAVE to give you a reason for not wanting a relationship. and if she says you're not her type for dating, then you know that it would never have worked out. And if this is the case you know she's not your soulmate. it was simply a physical attraction for her and that was it.

Also sometimes girls get freaked out when some guy obsesses about them and they push you away..... happened to me before too. Sometimes you can go "overboard" with all the stuff you do and say, and it freaks a girl out. she may like you, but is not "obsessed" with you, and i think a girl's natural reaction is to push the guy away, to create a distance. Maybe if next time you talked to her you didnt act so excited, just act like she's another person, that might be better?

dunno, hope this helps. and i feel for you, i've been there

-ABT-

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Peace.

agree with ABT above, seems she wants more the "benefits" then she wants U. it's bad when this happens, cuz maybe U love her and she doesn't...

don't seem like a fool. don't show Ur feelings immediately, let some time pass, and then see if she asks U anything or if she says anything that would point she is willing to go out again. and don't go straight to her bed for once!

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Kultified TrancEr

Besides that I feel for you, don`t forget one thing:

You talk like you truely and deeply love her. Some people never find someone they really love and never get to know this wonderful feeling. That`s a gift. Don`t forget that with all the hard feeling you have. Think of the precious you two had and then feel what you felt then. This is the highest form of feeling (maybe except for trance music ) you`ll ever feel.

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Yup i go with ABT on this one. It sounds like the feelings you're having aren't as strongly felt by her (if at all) and she's either keeping you at a distance because you're madly in love with her obviously and you've scared her a bit or because she was just in it for the fun.

The WORST thing you can do here is to act too desperate and attached as at this point there's no room for that anymore and it'll only make this situation deteriorate. So just spend time with her, do some fun stuff together, chill out ,make her laugh but don't whatever you do get too emotional and clingy as she's obviously not there with you on this and it'll make the situation worse. Just spend time together and have fun and she'll maybe even start to like you again.... (BIG maybe)

I feel for you cuz i've been in situations similar to this and i know what a heart thats just been put pureed in the blender feels like. All thats left is a bleeding mess of emotion and agony and it's a similar feeling to an addiction you can't feed. But don't worry as give it a good few months and that heart will repair slowly and you MAY even love again (mind you i haven't since my heart got broken but i will eventually...i think)

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Hey whats up…..i read all your responses and this may sound corny to some, but while I was reading them I actually began to have tears come to my eyes….i appreciate all that u have written and it means more then u would ever know…sincerley thank you so so much…its nice to see there are people out there who are real and don’t put up a front cus they think if they show their real emotions people will laugh….so I thank u again from my heart…………

Heres my follow up on the story………….

She called me……and very few words where said….she said “ Hi…look maybe u should go out tonight cus I don’t hink I am coming out tonight and I wanted to let you know”…I asked her if I could call her later and if she might change her mind…she said she was positive………………………………………it really hurts so much…………………………………………

She came home and saw all her friends….what about me……..am I that bad………..i cant stop fuken crying…..i just wanna see her………this is the worst…I once again built myself up to see her and I cant…..would it kill her that much to come see me for 2 hours or even 1 hour….she knows it would mean the world to me…..

I feel like my heart is going to burst…..all the oceans in the world cant hold all these tears I am crying………deep down inside I knew she wasn’t going to come see me…but for a moment I thought she would……..and now that moments gone…….i don’t understand why she cant sacrifice a little of her time to make someone that loves her so so much happy…….she said go out…are u serious????…I cant go out , I wanna seee her……

Why cant I forget her….WHY….oh my god , all I wanna do is love someone like her and be loved back….she is everything to me, everything I know is worthless without her to adore……maybe I should’nt of called her to begin with…I don’t know….but what I do know is that I did and now I am lost again…..….I am the one who will be up all night listening to sad tracks and love songs, I am the one who will be missing her, I am the one who will love someone more then words can describe and she is the one who will go out again tonight with her friends and never give me a thought….to her I guess I am some stupid obsessive guy who loves her like a loser……..and she is right I am pathetic…..I would love to tell her all thses things I have shared with you..but I am scared it will scrae her away even more then she is now……….but what do I do…hide my feelings , pretend they don’t exist……I cant……….

This is goijng to be a long night for me…….i wont be able to sleep…….why do always fall victom to this crap….why cant I be like evry other guy, and be like who cares……..I guess I am too sensitive or maybe I am just a big freaken LOSER…I don’t know……….

I would give up everything to just hold her in my armsssssssssssssssssssssssssss……….she is so wonderful to me….i feel like absolute shit right now….i wanna go sit in a dark room and cry…..this is really painful…..She didn’t even give it a chance…she could of just came out and tried,. I figure she HATES me….because I know I would not even let a enemy suffer as bad as she is making me…..all those butterflys in my stomach that we all love have turned into terrible pains that feel as if they are tearing me apart from all ends….I hope one day I can get over her…and give this love to soemone worthy of it…..

On my own…. I have tried to make the best of it alone…. I have done everything I can to ease the pain……But only she can stop the rain….I just cant live without her…..i miss everything about her…..
Just when I thought I was over her…and just when I thought I could stand on my own…those memories come crashing through…So theres no sense in pretending….my heart ….its not mending……..

quote:

Originally posted by tiesto14 On my own…. I have tried to make the best of it alone…. I have done everything I can to ease the pain……But only she can stop the rain….I just cant live without her…..i miss everything about her….. Just when I thought I was over her…and just when I thought I could stand on my own…those memories come crashing through…So theres no sense in pretending….my heart ….its not mending……..

Hey Tiesto14. Read your post and couldn't help but reply. I understand what your going through. I've been going through the same thing myself. Just wanted to let u know, thats its allright to be hurt and to grieve over her. You are in love with her and thats why the pain is so great. The only advice i can give is this, know that u did everything possible to make this work. After that, its really out of your hands. You can wake up every morning and look at yourself in the mirror and know that u have nothing to be ashamed of. She just wasn't ready. There will be others. I guarantee it. Then all this pain and suffering will fade when you find the person who's ready to share and return the love u so readily give. Best of wishes my friend and take care.

quote:

Originally posted by tiesto14 This is goijng to be a long night for me…….i wont be able to sleep…….why do always fall victom to this crap….why cant I be like evry other guy, and be like who cares……..I guess I am too sensitive or maybe I am just a big freaken LOSER…I don’t know……….

ok, here we go....dude, i kinda felt the same way about a girl i knew in the past, but i'm not going to say as strongly as u feel.
Nontheless, i know what it feels like, plus the girl i'm talking about ended up cheating on me with my now ex-best friend!....sooooo...it was hard at first to lose a best friend who i trusted so much, and a girl who i really liked and appreciated!....so my advice to you is to try to get over this.....I KNOW IT HURTS to lose, and it will hurt for some time...

I really dont think that she is good for you at all, in other words you are too good for her, especially with her causing soo much pain to you, and she knows it!!!! NOW THAT'S JUST PLAIN CRUEL, SELFISH, dude, let her be, dont EVER call her again, or talk to her EVER again....

you will never forget her, but there will be one day, when you just will not care for her anymore, that might be soon, or it might take a long time....

once again, you're too good for her, get ur life back on track, it's her loss NOT yours!!!!! you being kind to her and stuff and her treating you worse than shit....

take care of yourself, and try to apply some of the things some of the ppl including myself had said!

->JM<-

d00d...hate to break it to you this way...but u're a BIG FAT LOSER.

can't u c, she was using u for the sex, u should've just enjoyed it that way, i bet if u had been cool with it, u would still be sleeping with her every now and then, u would be enjoying urself, she would continue to be the hoe that she obviously is...LOL...u c, hoes hate getting in relationships, so u scared her away with ur feelings

get away from her before they put u in an asylum is what i'm trying to say

yeah it'll be hard but u'll be much stronger after it's done, such shit won't bother u ever again

ok now send her to ME LOLOL

peace

It takes two to love!

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Kultified TrancEr

Don't ever call her again!
I mean, she doesn't deserve you.. you treat her as nice as someone could she treats you like shit.. and that, my friend, is pure evil.. she's just being cruel to you, it's pretty obvious that she doesn't care for you... so try to think less as possible of her, and time will heal the pain, guranteed.
Just, go on, live your life.. try dating other girls without comparing them to her, start doing something that will distract you mind.. a hobby, a sport, something. you'll get over her, it might take some time but you will eventualy.
Remember that u were as good as it gets to her and she blew it, it's her loss - not yours. she's just stupid for letting such a chance go away, so get over her.. and most important, try not to get any contact with her - don't call her, if you bump into her in the street just say hi and leave.. she doesn't deserve you thinking of her, she doesn't deserve your time.

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