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Tribu is a dumbass part 4.
As many of you know, I work in a grocery store. Tonight, we were hanging out at work, with next to no customers in the last hour. One of the guys tells me hell give me 5 bucks if i eat a jabaņero pepper. Now, I personally love hot food and I have eaten these peppers cooked before, so of course I'm like, ok. A customer walks in as I receive the 5 bucks. He sees what I'm about to do, so he stops to watch. I rip off a piece of the pepper and I pop it in my mouth and chew it. So far, so good. The observing customer goes, 'oh so youre taking the easy way out and avoiding the middle' so I say fuck it and pop the whole thing in my mouth.
I chew and i chew and i chew, and it's hot but nothing unberable. I swallow the pepper and proceed to the register to ring this guy up when one of the hottest feelings ever begins to spread through my mouth. Im chugging an arizona tea, and dying, and the customer says, 'you know, milk is best for that'. I finish ringing him up and run for the milk counter. My eyes are streaming tears, my nose is gushing mucus, but I don't care, I want the milk. I grab it and tear the sucker open and CHUG.
As the milk hits my tongue, I notice a strange chunk in it, as well as numerous other chunks. The milk was spoiled! I ran to the garbage and spit it out; now my mouth is on fire and the taste of clumping rotten milk permeates my mouth. I run to the cooler and grab another milk, this time opening it and drinking a little more carefully but FUCK, this one is rotten too (the expiration dates gave the milk another month before going bad : sept 28). I toss this shit and go grab a chocolate milk and chug it. I then try eating crackers, but the salt only further aggravates the heat and the crackers taste like metal. Im burping up rancid milk, and if i turn my head fast enough, i can catch the scent of it in my clothes or hair.
An hour later, almost everything is gone. Raw jabaņeros are clearly much more potent than cooked ones. Don't ever eat one raw unless you've poured a glass of non-spoiled milk first.
Short version: I ate a jabanero on a dare at it was killer hot. To calm the heat, I went for milk, but got two spoiled ones which made everything ten times worse. Finally, i ate some salty crackers which doubled the pain. It took an hour to fully recover, but no vomiting.
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.. i got ten dollars, but an ulcer in my throat .. 
