Okay here is some cheeeeeezy halloween one-liners and jokes. Enjoy!
1) What do you get when you cross a vampire and a snowman?
Frostbite!
2) What was the witch's favorite subject in school?
Spelling!
3) Why don't skeletons like parties?
Because they have no body to dance with!
4) Why wasn't there any food left after the monster party?
Because everyone was a goblin!
lol
5) What do you get when you cross a black cat with a lemon?
A sour-puss!
And the last cheese one-liner.....
6) What do you get when you cross Bambi with a ghost?
Bamboo! 
20 Fun Things To Do On Halloween
1.Give away something other than candy. (Toothpicks, golf balls, bags of sand, etc.)
2.Wait behind the door until some people come. When they get near the door, jump out, wearing a costume, and holding a bag, and yell, "Trick or Treat!" Look at them, scratch your head, and act confused.
3.Fill a briefcase with marbles and crackers. Write on it, "Top Secret" in big letters. When trick-or-treaters come, look around suspiciously, say, "It's about time you got here," give them the briefcase, and quickly shut the door.
4.Get about 30 people to wait in your living room. When trick-or-treaters come to the door, say, "Come in." When they do, have everyone yell, "Surprise!!!" Act like it's a surprise party.
5.Get everyone who comes to the door to come in and see if they can figure out what's wrong with your dishwasher. Insist that it makes an unnatural "whirring" sound.
6.After you give them candy, hand the trick-or-treaters a bill.
7.Open the door dressed as a giant fish. Immediately collapse, and don't move or say anything until the trick-or-treaters go away.
8.When you answer the door, hold up one candybar, throw it out into the street, and yell, "Crawl for it!"
9.When you answer the door, look at the trick-or-treaters, act shocked and scared, and start screaming your head off. Slam the door and runaround the house, screaming until they go away.
10.Insist that the trick-or-treaters each do ten push-ups before you give them any candy.
11.Hand out menus to the trick-or-treaters and let them order their candy. Keep asking if anyone wants to see the wine list.
12.Get a catapult. Sit on your porch and catapult pumpkins at anyone who comes within 50 yards of your house.
13.When people come to the door, jump out a nearby window, crashing through the glass, and run as far away from your house as you can.
14.Answer the door dressed as a pilgrim. Stare at the trick-or-treaters for a moment, pretend to be confused, and start flipping through a calendar.
15.Instead of candy, give away colored eggs. If anyone protests, explain that the eggs are the only thing you had left over from Easter.
16.Answer the door dressed as a dentist. Angrily give the trick-or-treaters a two-hour lecture on tooth decay.
17.Answer the door with a mouthful of M & M's and several half-eaten candy bars in your hands. Act surprised, and close the door. Open it again in a few seconds, and insist that you don't have any candy.
18.Hand out cigarettes and bottles of asprin.
19.Put a crown on a pumpkin and put the pumpkin on a throne on your porch. Insist that all of the trick-or-treaters bow before the pumpkin.
20.Dress up like a bunny rabbit. Yell and curse from the moment you open the door, and angrily throw the candy at the trick-or-treaters. Slam the door when you're finished.
Halloween Costume
A man with a bald head and a wooden leg gets invited to a Halloween party.
He doesn't know what costume to wear to hide his head and his leg so he writes to a fancy dress company to explain the problem.
A few days later he receives a parcel with a note.
"Dear Sir, please find enclosed a pirate's outfit. The spotted handkerchief will cover your bald head and with your wooden leg you will be just right as a pirate."
The man thinks this is terrible because they have just emphasized his wooden leg and so he writes a really rude letter of complaint.
A week passes and he receives another parcel and a note which says: "Dear Sir, sorry about before, please find enclosed a monk's habit. The long robe will cover your wooden leg and with your bald head you will really look the part."
Now the man is really annoyed since they have gone from emphasizing his wooden leg to emphasizing his bald head and he writes the company a scathing letter of complaint.
The next day he receives a small parcel and a note which reads: "Dear Sir, please find enclosed a jar of caramel.
Pour the jar of caramel over your bald head, stick your wooden leg up your ass and go as a Candy Apple!"
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Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, champagne in one hand strawberries in the other, body thoroughly used up totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO- What a Ride!" Unknown 
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