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Unless you are pending a record deal, please make your sample at least 2 minutes long. (It says so here.)
But before you do, don't remix this song. Remix a song that doesn't have such cheesy vocals. Those first words actually hurt my ears. No offense to you, though. That horrendous vocal is not your fault. Once you have a track with an acceptable vocal, or if you have an original work, then post it here.
Some notes on what you have so far:
1. Kick is too quiet. This actually needs to be the loudest thing in the song, simply put.
2. Bass is... not there. Or it's too quiet. Bass should be among the louder sounds in the mix. Not as loud as the kick, though.
3. Percussion need to be more complex and maybe a might bit louder.
That's about all I can think of off the top of my head. But for some more details on what you'll want to look for, check out this thread in the Production Studio. Hang out in the PS, too. You can learn a lot there.
Sorry to be harsh, but those vocals are just egregious. 
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www.jexmusic.com - My website
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