heres the story, my gf broke up with me last week after a 14 month relationship that everything was going great in, the next day my best friend, takes her out to get coffee. i ask him not to date her because i still care and she still really means a lot to me, which it true now still. i still love her and i am pretty sure that she still loves me, but he then goes off and tells me that i am being irrational that he can do whatever the fuck that he wants. and for the whole week the only times that i have seen or talked him is when i call him, or make a point to see him. it seems to me that he is more conserned with getting in my ex-gf's pants, he calls her all the time and takes her out every day since we broke up, than trying to help me, his friend of over 6 years. what am i supost to think, or do for that matter. i am really lost and i don't know where i can find the answers, and i think that i still want to get back with my ex-gf, what do i do, and if going to get back, how do i go about it? i want them both as friends and her maybe more than a friend but how do i go about doing that without looking like an ass? any help would be greatly appriceated. thanks alot guys.

confused TA,
Johnny :-)

First off, I really feel for you, man.

The thing is, in your post you haven't mentioned how the GIRL feels about all this. Is the girl so stupid, so shallow, that she can go out with someone else (who also happens to be your friend!) the next day, without really having a good discussion of your relationship with you..?

If she's so shallow and stupid then FUCK her. She doesn't deserve you anyway.

On the other hand, if she understands how you feel (and you could tell her about it) then she should be more caring and empathetic towards you.

Did she have strong feelings for you in the first place? If she's going out with your best friend the next day, doesn't seem that way to me...

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Just forget both of them and move on. I know it sounds hard, but thats what it'll end up as anyway, so you may aswell save yourself some more grief and get on with your life.

Barry

The thing is that she said that she has "feeling" for him, but i don't know if that is just her being insecure and scared about what is comming up in her life, she is going to leave for college in the fall and she wanted to live her life to the fullest before she left, but i don't know if this sudden "falling" for my best friend is her way of living or if it is just something to get over me so that she never wants or needs me back, she is a very careing, smart and loving person i think that she is also confused in her life and is looking for an escape. so i really don't know what to do, i really want her back, but i don't know how to go about doing that, and i want my "best friend" to stop moving in on my ex-gf.

Confused TA,
Johnny :-)

i feel for you bro. i've been there myself. i'm sure a lot of us have. but let me start with this. you can't make anyone love you. either they will or they won't and what you do has almost nothing to do with it. i say if she says she has feelings for your friend then there's really nothing you can do. she's gone. and i'm only being blunt with you so i can get the point across. i've seen too many peeps enter this masochistic cycle cuz they want someone that they can't have. like the others have said, it's just easier to let her go now then to try to salvage something that isn't there. and as for your friend, you should cut him loose too cuz what kind of friend would date his best friend's girl the day after they break up. all my real friends know that once one of us goes after a girl then she is now off limits to everyone else. it's this underlying code between us all and that's what makes us friends. we would rather deny ourselves things then cut each other. and i'm sure what he's doing to you cuts deep. i really wouldn't pursue anything further with either of them. but i'm not you and i don't have all the emotions tied up in it like you do. but i once did when i was in your position so i know you can't just let it go. so i don't know if you'll follow the advice that everyone is saying. from an objective perspective it's the way to go. just don't beat yourself up over the whole thing man. keep in mind that there's always something better out there. take care my brutha and i hope you get your answers. God bless.

lost

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Maybe you missed something. If your girlfriend just broke up with you and dates your best friend every day (not only he`s dating her, but she`s also dating him) then maybe the two have planned coming together before she broke up with you? Just a tought...

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quote:

Is the girl so stupid, so shallow, that she can go out with someone else (who also happens to be your friend!) the next day, without really having a good discussion of your relationship with you..?

i feel this comment deserves valid female input

you know, we dont know the whole story. maybe laun19 (i dont know you, and i know this probably isnt true but im trying to make a point) didnt treat her well and so she has her reasons for being attracted to the friend. maybe he gives her something emotionally or otherwise that he couldnt give her. and like someone else said, perhaps they have been liking each other for a long time.

as far as being so shallow to have a good discussion of the relationship, id just like to say that that type of behavior is definitely general to all people, not just women. i know i have personally grown weary of relationships with guys because *they* refuse to communicate with me on any level, telling me when they are upset, etc. i dont feel it is my job to then tell them why im leaving, if they dont give me the common courtesy. maybe that could be a reason shes acting that way too? its a very, very normal thing that guys feel they communicate, when really, they arent. women and men work on totally different levels (obviously).

so i guess what im trying to say, is its pretty hard for people other than laun19 to know what the girl's dilemma is... so its probably bad to judge her as an evil person. just playing devils advocate here. (plus heh like i said, theres never any female input on any of these threads).

now just a few advice comments from me:

1) ex partners are ex partners for a reason. you broke up for a reason. so it seems like you are setting yourself up to fail by wanting to get back together with her. its hard to let people go, but its the best thing you can do for yourself and your feelings.

2) if your best friend isnt respecting your direct request, he isnt your best friend, and you need to let him go. friendships are far more important than relationships.. and most people who are truly best friends, would never do something like that to the other person.

honestly, it sounds like you are trying to make excuses for why she is doing the things she is doing, that its still tied to you. maybe she honestly just really likes your best friend. it happens. people grow in and out of love all the time. it also sounds like you cant let go of either of them, even tho they are both walking all over you. if you had your best interest at heart, you would let them both go. loss does suck, but co-dependency is even worse.

heres what u do...call the girl up and say "you want a piece of my best friend? well go ahead and get it i wont stop you...but i want a piece too!" then go out and break his legs the same day....fuck this best friend bullshit...I have a best friend and let me tell you something we're so close we consider eachother brothers and we would never in our right minds do anything to hurt one another because we have been thru soo much shit...
fyuckin kill this mother****** he aint no friend hes really ur enemy....go kick his ass do it for me...do it for everyone out there that was ever used by some fake ass bastard who had other plans then to just being a plain old friend...ill kick his ass myself for you if u want....just make this kid bleed and make him bleed in front of that bitch...end of story...then go on with ur life make cash make real friends and when they come crawling back kick them down once more

quote:

Originally posted by Vivid Boy heres what u do...call the girl up and say "you want a piece of my best friend? well go ahead and get it i wont stop you...but i want a piece too!" then go out and break his legs the same day....fuck this best friend bullshit...I have a best friend and let me tell you something we're so close we consider eachother brothers and we would never in our right minds do anything to hurt one another because we have been thru soo much shit... fyuckin kill this mother****** he aint no friend hes really ur enemy....go kick his ass do it for me...do it for everyone out there that was ever used by some fake ass bastard who had other plans then to just being a plain old friend...ill kick his ass myself for you if u want....just make this kid bleed and make him bleed in front of that bitch...end of story...then go on with ur life make cash make real friends and when they come crawling back kick them down once more

whoa there, silver. you say that your friend wouldn't do that, but wouldn't our friend Laun19 have said the same thing not two weeks ago. guys do stupid, stupid shit over girls. i almost lost my best friend over a girl about a year ago, and with that experience in mind, Laun19, mark my words: they ain't worth it.
if your friend is as good a friend as you think he is (or was), let him have the chick, transfer all of your resentment toward her, thereby making your friend eventually resent her as well and dump her twofacin' ass like a load of stinky laundry. worked for me.

or drop em both, i don't care. do what you gotta do.

**edit: clearly sothis' advice is better than mine.

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Sothis, interesting post!

I just wanna say that it happened to me too. A girl I was trying to date fell for my best friend. The irony was that the truth came out on my birthday, at a party, no less.

That was a pretty bad experience. But, the good part is that we didn't really have feelings for each other, so it wasn't as painful.

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err bse u dont know how me and my best friend are...we dont consider eachother best friends we consider eachother brothers....we go back all the way to the beginning...hes one of the only constants in my life....we shared the same crib when we were kids...his parents consider me one of their own...and my parents visa versa....i swear if it wasnt for him i would be lost in this world...and i the same to him....we have never been in one fight and we see eachother everyday and we have never gone to the same school as eachother....even if its just for a quick smoke he'll come by or ill come by his house...and let me tell you one thing i would never ever backstab him and if i was ever to choose between him and some girl that i wont to bone he will always come first hes one of my first priorties right in the same line as family....he would never do something like that to me.....he told me once when we were on e that whenever he goes out and im not there he feels like shit... he said once he went out with everyone and forgot to call me and the whole night he felt like total shit and everyone thought something had happened at home...but the next day when he found out i went out with some broad he felt totally better that i didnt chill at home because he forgot to call...now thats what i call a fuckin friend....the one kid i can rely on...if u dont feel u can rely on ur best friend i think hes not ur best friend...so once again the fuck with this kid the fuck with this girl go out and live and forget it all

edit*** did i mention i have known the kid since i was born...the day i came back from the hospital i pretty much met him

Last edited by Vivid Boy on Jan-15-2002 at 20:59

Leave yer exes alone ppl........they are EXES......meaning past tenses. Dating is a bitch........i will give you that. But hell.....they are many many ppl out there.