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Not Tonight
You have probably already seen it, but it is worth putting up.
I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing.
I have never figured out why men think with their head and women
with their heart.
FOR EXAMPLE: One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting
into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she Eventually
says "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."
I said "WHAT??!! What was that?!"
So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to
hear..."You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman
enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man."
She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me
for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"
Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to
sleep..
The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time
with her.
We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big
unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried
on several different very expensive outfits.
She couldn't decide which one to take so I told her we'd just buy
them all.
She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said lets get a pair for each outfit.
We went onto the jewelery department where she picked out a pair of
diamond earrings. Let me tell you...she was so excited.
She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck.
I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a
tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I said. "That's fine, honey." She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement.
Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think this
is all dear, let's go to the cashier." I could hardly contain myself
when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it."
Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a
baffle "WHAT?"
I then said "honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while.
You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough
for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman".
And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I
added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"
Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either !
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ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep,
he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
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