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I think its like a blog or something where they talk about poo.
I have worked as a plumber for several years, and during that time I have certainly seen my share of poop in hundreds of plugged toilets, pipes, and sewer lines. A friend of mine called me and told me his friend's toilet was plugged. Could I stop by and unclog it? "No problem," I said, and immediately headed to the usual ten-minute job. Clogged toilets are usually lucrative because they are fast and simple.
I arrived at the house and met his friend. He was extremely happy I arrived so quickly, as he and his very foxy twenty-two-year-old daughter only had one toilet in the house. Using the backyard as a dumping ground was really not a good option for them, as I'm sure the neighbors were not interested in watching him drop a Clark Bar on the lawn. The lovely daughter, however, might be another story. Anyway, with plunger in hand and full of confidence, I assured him in ten minutes or less all would be well. Little did I realize this was going to be a job equal to busting through the Antarctic ice pack during the winter.
I put the plunger in the bowl later to be renamed The Toilet From Hell and gave it a few pushes. This usually gets things moving, but nothing was draining. Okay, this sometimes happens if something is stuck in the S-curve of the toilet. I went to the truck for the trusty old toilet snake. One inserts the snake in the bowl, turns the crank, and the snake weaves its way through what usually turns out to be too much toilet paper, and ZAP -- the problem is over.
I crank the handle. After a few inches of snake enters the S-curve, I come to a sudden stop. I push the snake back and forth, hoping to dislodge what I assume to be toilet paper. Hmmm... no luck. I try again. It feels as though I have hit a brick wall.
Even the most overstuffed toilets usually relent on the second try. We are NOW past the ten-minute mark and not one ounce of water has drained from the mighty bowl. Okay, somebody dropped something in the toilet and they do not want to tell me. Been there and done that before.
Next step: unbolt the toilet after bailing it out by hand, including the water in the tank. I will tip it on its side and remove the offending object. No problem. (I think I may have said that earlier.) Okay, toilet drained, unbolted, and now tipped on its side.
I have a STRONG STOMACH, but there is a PILE of STINKING POOP the CONSISTENCY of REINFORCED CONCRETE with an ODOR that would GAG A MAGGOT.
I cannot breathe, it is so bad! I open the bathroom window just to survive the San Quentin gas chamber. I cannot work in this bathroom, window open or not -- not if I want to live another thirty seconds. I pick up the toilet and make a mad dash outside as quick as possible, holding my precious, life-giving breath. I make it to the front lawn, of all places, and set the toilet down. Even outside in the fresh air, with a gentle breeze blowing, I can still smell the horrific odor. But I must NOT be deterred from my oath as a plumber -- I forge ahead!
I try digging out the IMPACTED, COMPACTED POOP with a putty knife. No luck -- it really was like concrete. So with a hammer and a long-handled screwdriver, I actually chopped it out in chunks. Wow, what a dump that must have been. The offending father told me, "It must have been my daughter that did it." Sorry, but NO WAY could that tiny, cute little butt produce a load that big and that bad. Dad, I'm afraid YOU OWN THIS ONE.
I washed out the toilet with his garden hose, put the big chunks of poop in a plastic bag, reinstalled the toilet, and gave it several successful flushes. I handed him the bill, got paid, and left this HAZMAT incident as fast as possible. If he calls for another clogged toilet -- SORRY, I'M BUSY!!!
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Figure out what to do, then take a nap.
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