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well, i think it's a bit too fast.
140bpm?
the short breaks are nice. i like your percussions. good for tech-trance. like your breakdown at 2:00
but imo its not really techy enough 
there should be more breaks, more little fx, some kind of industrial sounds.
the melody you bring in the mainpart could vary a bit (not the notes, but some filtercurves etc.)
tech-trance does not mean = monotonous. ;-)
but nevertheless you could work on, on this remix 
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out now: S-Tune - Urban Silence (Lancton Remix) [Camouflage]
check audiojelly.com, beatport.com, dance-tunes.com ...
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