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I think this could quite cool, but there are some glaring things that I reacted to.
First the harmonies are ok, but the note you have repeating between the stabs are placed at a bit wierd places, the bassline follows the right chords, but the note does not and it sounds wierd, especially in the beginning, maybe some thing you missed?
Also, the kick is mixed extremely loud and I think it would benefit from being a bit more calmer.
Keep at it mate 
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E-Mortal/Fredrik Johansson www.emortal.se
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