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http://www.benniesgohome.net/
1. The Over-Packed Minivan and/or SUV - This would be the textbook family unit. Mom, Dad, the kids, and perhaps the family pet. The benny family unit comes over-prepared for a 2-day weekend at the shore. Aside from the traditional beach supplies (chairs, umbrella, cooler, toys, tent, towels & umbrella), the bennie family packs enough clothes for 1 month, and all sorts of weather. You usually can’t see through the windows because the vehicle is packed from floor to ceiling. It has those annoying magnets on the back that read “Alexa” in the shape of a cheerleading megaphone, or “Connor” in the shape of a soccer ball.
2. The Juvenile Delinquent Ghetto Cruiser – One of my favorites. I never understood the fascination with taking a tiny, import and adding a spoiler, darkened windows, neon lights (with matching rims), and a woofer bigger than the engine block. I guess the 20-something retards who went to see "The Fast and the Furious" think this is cool. Guys in small cars look gay...got it? This is the vehicle used by the teen or twenty-something whose main objectives are to get drunk, get laid, and get in a fight. Usually, this car is packed with 3 or 4 young males (occasionally a girlfriend), with their arms handing out the windows flippin’ everyone the bird. Frequently found swerving through traffic like it was the Indianapolis Speedway. Most likely to get airborne, flip over, hit a tree, and cause a 5 mile back-up on the Parkway around Exit 90 (Brick).
3. The Tony Soprano Goombah Mobile – This large boat (usually a Cadillac) is primarily driven by a short, fat, middle-aged Tony-Soprano wannabe. This guy places a lot of emphasis on image, and is never seen in public without his hair neatly slicked back, a ton of gold jewelry on, wearing oudated sunglasses, carrying a wad of money with his 20-year old mistress by his side. Little does he know, he looks like an asshole. The Goombah mobile frequently rides the left lane at 45 mph., slowing down traffic. I guess it’s a power trip for him. I like to pass these people, get in front of them, and then SLAM on the brakes.
4. The Mega Benny Camper – OK, this is the serious vacationer. This guy is heading for an extended stay in Ocean County. He’s gonna hit the beach, the boardwalk, the campground, Great Adventure, and anything in between. The Mega Camper has an assortment of bennie supplies such as chairs, boogie boards, and even a canoe attached to it someplace. Traditionally nice people, but clueless when driving. They can’t navigate a jughandle, and they hold up traffic at the tollbooth asking for directions to Forked River.
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"You won a new refrigerator, great! Where you gonna put it?" - Tony Danza
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