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My two favourite stories of all time
1. My bestest friend was at a Jehova's Witness wedding, and getting into the free champagne as you would expect. There is a video guy roaming taking footage of the day. Anywayz, my mate is getting a bit boisterous (as you do) and making smartass remarks throughout the day, though nothing too bad (or so he thought). A few months later, they're watching the official wedding video (the one that all the close family received) when his mum says "and you'd better fast-forward this part because damon says the most disgusting thing ive ever heard"..
WTF?
When people were all filing into the reception, you can quite clearly hear on the video my mate say (about dawn, his grandmother who lost a breast to breast cancer) "oh everyone- here comes one-breasted Dawn!" needless to say, his mum (dawn's daughter) was less than impressed.
Brilliance.
2. the same friend (seriously, the funniest man of all time) has had a few drinks and is walking to meet me at the pub when his wife calls him from the car. They chat for a while and she says "oh damon, im in the car with your mother and aunty and the speakerphone is on, so don't say anything stupid".
"im not on speaker phone!"
"yes you are, so be serious"
"oh, so I shouldn’t mention that I've been fucking you in the ass then?" (he had recently started having anal sex with his wife)
Phone hangs up, gets a call from his mum 2 mins later abusing the hell out of him.
Ahhhh, those jehovah's witnesses 
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my condolensces.
