EXCLUSIVE: SECRET MASTERCHEF JUDGING TAPES UNCOVERED


The following is a series of intercepts of the top secret deliberations of the MasterChef judges throughout the competition.

The voices have been identified as chefs Gary Mehigan and George Calombaris and food critic Matt Preston, as well as host Sarah Wilson...

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Intercept 1

GARY: I think we should definitely give it to Poh. She’s clearly the best.

GEORGE: Gary, it’s Week 1.

GARY: Yeah, but did you see the way she was looking at me? It was bang on.

GEORGE: What?

GARY: Yeah, she really nailed it.

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Intercept 2

GEORGE: Trust me.

MATT: Really?

GEORGE: I promise. It’ll definitely work.

MATT: You don’t think people will just think “Oh, he’s just using the cravat to hide his double chin?”

GEORGE: Why would they think that?

MATT: Well no one else seems to be wearing a cravat.

GEORGE: No one can pull it off the way you do.

SARAH: I agree. It looks very dashing.

MATT: Who said that?

GEORGE: I’m not sure. Gary, was that you?

GARY: It was probably Poh. She just got it bang on.

GEORGE: It’s still Week 1 Gary.

GARY: Sorry.

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Intercept 3

GARY: What about the kid?

GEORGE: Which kid?

GARY: The one that everybody hates.

MATT: But Chris isn’t a kid.

GEORGE: He’s shagging a kid.

MATT: Come on, she’s well over half his age.

GARY: No not Chris.

GEORGE: And what’s going on with his sideburns? It looks like someone let Wolverine loose in a pie shop.

MATT: Maybe I should get him a cravat.

GARY: Not Chris, Aaron, the 21-year-old in-breed.

MATT: I agree.

GEORGE: You always agree with everything we say.

MATT: It’s true, I do.

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Intercept 4

GARY: I think we need to bring Lucas back.

GEORGE: Why?

GARY: Well, for a number of reasons…

GEORGE: Name one.

GARY: Well, he looks like James Caan.

GEORGE: That’s your justification for everything.

GARY: No it’s not.

GEORGE: Yesterday you said Justine looked like James Caan.

GARY: You haven’t seen her without make-up.

GEORGE: This is crap. You can’t just give people a second chance because they look like James Caan.

GARY: Fine. We’ll bring back the one who looks like she was raised in a cult.

GEORGE: Julia? But she’s hopeless.

GARY: Alright, fine. We’ll just bring back Poh.

GEORGE: You sneaky bastard.

GARY: Bang on.

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Intercept 5

Only Matt’s voice can be heard. He seems to be talking on the telephone...

MATT: Hi honey it’s me.

MATT: I’m fine thanks. How are the kids?

MATT: Good, good. Yeah, it’s all going fine.

MATT: No, the feedback’s really positive. Everyone says it’s very stylish. Slimming.

MATT: Well that’s what I wanted to talk to you about actually.

MATT: No, it’s not like that time at Tetsuya’s. This time it’s really true. They’ve been sending letters.

MATT: Well I know I am darling, it’s just that no one else seems to believe it.

MATT: Well perhaps if you could just come on the show tomorrow and make a quick statement or something?

MATT: Oh. Well how about sending one of the kids?

MATT: Maybe you could just sign a stat dec? I’m sure someone here could write one up for you…

MATT: What do you mean you’re not entirely sure?

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Intercept 6

GARY: We’ve clearly got to get rid of Chris.

GEORGE: I agree.

MATT: What the @#$% are you talking about?

GARY: The dish lacked colour.

GEORGE: It didn’t have the texture and consistency I was looking for.

MATT: Are you @#$%ing crazy? Julie didn’t even have a dish.

GARY: Well would you rather eat something unpleasant or not eat anything at all?

GEORGE: Actually I think you’re asking the wrong guy Gary.

MATT: What’s that supposed to mean?

GEORGE: Nothing. How’s the cravat going?

MATT: Really well actu- hey, don’t change the subject. What are you two up to?

GARY: I just don’t think Chris has what it takes.

MATT: Is this about the salmon comment?

GARY: I don’t know what you’re talking about.

MATT: When he talked back about the salmon.

GARY: Can’t even remember it. In the past.

MATT: I should hope so.

GARY: He was wrong though.

MATT: I beg your pardon?

GARY: Nothing.

MATT: Okay.

GARY: Although the salmon was undercooked.

MATT: Sorry, what was that?

GARY: I said he lacked vision for his book.

MATT: Nothing about salmon?

GARY: No.

MATT: Good.

GARY: I mean I’m only a masterchef who’s been cooking salmon for 20 years. What would I know?

MATT: Come again?

GARY: Sorry, got the TV on in the background.

MATT: But we’re all in the same room.

GARY: That’s right.

MATT: And there’s no TV.

SARAH: That’s true actually.

GARY: Who said that?

MATT: Hang on a minute, are you trying to axe Chris because you know that Julie will never beat Poh in the final?

GARY: Did you say “bang on a minute”?

MATT: No. I said “hang on a minute”.

GARY: Because “bang on” is kind of my thing.

MATT: Yes, well I didn’t say it, did I?

GARY: It kind of sounded like you did.

MATT: Why would I say “bang on a minute”?

GARY: To get me back for rigging the competition.

MATT: Pardon.

GARY: Nothing.

MATT: And why you George? Why on earth are you backing Julie?

GEORGE: I just like salty food.

GARY: Bang on.

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Intercept 7

GARY: Okay, well it’s just down to the two girls now, Poh and Poh.

GEORGE: And Julie.

GARY: I beg your pardon. Poh and Poh and Julie.

GEORGE: I think you mean Poh and Julie.

GARY: Apologies. Poh and Poh and Poh and Julie.

SARAH: Does that mean Poh has a 75 per cent chance of winning?

GEORGE: Who said that?

MATT: Wasn’t me.

GARY: Sorry, must have been me. Or possibly Poh.

MATT: Actually I was going to bring that up Gary. Do you think it’s entirely appropriate to have Poh in the room with us while we’re judging?

GARY: I don’t see why not. She’s going to win anyway.

POH: Don’t mind me guys.

SARAH: At least I’ll have someone to talk to.

POH: Who said that?

GEORGE: You knew Julie was going to be kicked off first.

GARY: What on earth makes you say that?

GEORGE: Well for one thing you taped her mouth shut and stuck a sign on her saying “Free th Refugees”.

SARAH: Can I do the interview?

MATT: Who said that?

GEORGE: Certainly not Julie.

GARY: Bang on.

LOL~!

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