Teachers discourage kids from becoming best friends
So, apparently teachers and child psychologists are trying to discourage kids from finding a "best friend," i.e. someone with whom they feel they can share more and relate better than with any of their other friends:
quote:
But increasingly, some educators and other professionals who work with children are asking a question that might surprise their parents: Should a child really have a best friend?
Most children naturally seek close friends. In a survey of nearly 3,000 Americans ages 8 to 24 conducted last year by Harris Interactive, 94 percent said they had at least one close friend. But the classic best-friend bond — the two special pals who share secrets and exploits, who gravitate to each other on the playground and who head out the door together every day after school — signals potential trouble for school officials intent on discouraging anything that hints of exclusivity, in part because of concerns about cliques and bullying.
“I think it is kids’ preference to pair up and have that one best friend. As adults — teachers and counselors — we try to encourage them not to do that,” said Christine Laycob, director of counseling at Mary Institute and St. Louis Country Day School in St. Louis. “We try to talk to kids and work with them to get them to have big groups of friends and not be so possessive about friends.”
“Parents sometimes say Johnny needs that one special friend,” she continued. “We say he doesn’t need a best friend.”
That attitude is a blunt manifestation of a mind-set that has led adults to become ever more involved in children’s social lives in recent years. The days when children roamed the neighborhood and played with whomever they wanted to until the streetlights came on disappeared long ago, replaced by the scheduled play date. While in the past a social slight in backyard games rarely came to teachers’ attention the next day, today an upsetting text message from one middle school student to another is often forwarded to school administrators, who frequently feel compelled to intervene in the relationship. (Ms. Laycob was speaking in an interview after spending much of the previous day dealing with a “really awful” text message one girl had sent another.) Indeed, much of the effort to encourage children to be friends with everyone is meant to head off bullying and other extreme consequences of social exclusion.
The rationalization behind this is interesting. Have everyone be friends with everybody, and bullying will come to an end! But what does "friendship" even mean if it's something that's given out indiscriminately?
Registered: Dec 2004
Location: Mississauga, Ontario
Re: Teachers discourage kids from becoming best friends
quote:
Originally posted by MrJiveBoJingles
So, apparently teachers and child psychologists are trying to discourage kids from finding a "best friend," i.e. someone with whom they feel they can share more and relate better than with any of their other friends:
The rationalization behind this is interesting. Have everyone be friends with everybody, and bullying will come to an end! But what does "friendship" even mean if it's something that's given out indiscriminately?
Anything to "protect" kids from the harsh realities of the real world.
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Bullshit.
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Jun-21-2010 06:08
The17sss
C.R.E.A.M.
Registered: May 2008
Location: Charlotte, NC
Another step towards Utopia. Almost there!
Jun-21-2010 06:18
Joss Weatherby
Banned
Registered: May 2008
Location: The Pacific Northwest, of course
Wouldn't discouraging friendships lead to a feeling of less worth over all for other children and their peers... I mean if no one is really close then maybe they drift the other way and children become more mean and violent towards each other...
Jun-21-2010 06:29
Boomer187
Spicy Hotdog
Registered: Aug 2001
Location: USA
quote:
Originally posted by Joss Weatherby
Wouldn't discouraging friendships lead to a feeling of less worth over all for other children and their peers... I mean if no one is really close then maybe they drift the other way and children become more mean and violent towards each other...
Seems like they are encouraging another kind of friendship, one where you have many friends that you are not so possessive over.
Just think of when your best friend got a girlfriend...and you had nothing to do so you hated her. They are figuring if you have a large pool of friends, you will go hang out with them instead of your 1 best friend.
I had both, so I would tend to encourage that.
Jun-21-2010 06:50
Sushipunk
Flickering, I roam
Registered: Sep 2006
Location: Chateau Verdafloor
quote:
Originally posted by The17sss
Another step towards Utopia. Almost there!
LOL
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Jun-21-2010 06:51
enydo
~
Registered: Jan 2008
Location: NYC
Fuck not having best friends.
I have several and they are all important to me.
Jun-21-2010 07:04
Joss Weatherby
Banned
Registered: May 2008
Location: The Pacific Northwest, of course
quote:
Originally posted by Boomer187
Seems like they are encouraging another kind of friendship, one where you have many friends that you are not so possessive over.
Just think of when your best friend got a girlfriend...and you had nothing to do so you hated her. They are figuring if you have a large pool of friends, you will go hang out with them instead of your 1 best friend.
I had both, so I would tend to encourage that.
Yea I was the same way, I mean I definitly had an inner circle of really good friends, and yea you do feel jeaously over competition for friendship, but I always had a large group of even "best" friends so it never was too bad.
On the other hand having a ton of friends fucking sucked in its own way. Too many obligations and things to do and deal with and inner rivalries and stupidity (and yea I can't imagine if I was a girl and it was like probably 1200x worse), so I cut probably 95% of my friends after HS. Much easier.
Also this ties into the facebook thread going on... Main reason I dont use social networking is that having "lots" of friends is over rated.
Jun-21-2010 07:15
Lomeli
Mountain Thug
Registered: Dec 2004
Location: Entuculo, Mexico
I create strong bonds with most of my friends. It becomes a family.
Jun-21-2010 09:18
Ania_xox
let me drive
Registered: Apr 2007
Location: on the midnight street
I think siblings often fill this role for kids. They just don't realize it til they aren't kids anymore.
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Jun-21-2010 15:02
MrJiveBoJingles
Supreme tranceaddict
Registered: Jun 2004
Location: U.S.
quote:
Originally posted by Ania_xox
I think siblings often fill this role for kids. They just don't realize it til they aren't kids anymore.
My brother and I are basically just acquaintances.
Jun-21-2010 15:16
GoSpeedGo!
no more Mr. Nice Guy
Registered: May 2006
Location: Eisenstein's laboratory
Monogamic relationships ultimately lead to a divorce, let's encourage free love and promiscuous sex!
