At the break you start building up the track with a kick drum, I would suggest some kind of new element like a motif. Bringing back the kick drum is a bit monotonous.

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quote:

Originally posted by dj_alfi change your avatar for fucks sake.

Sure, true. Some proper feedback about the vibe of the track would do, too.

If you could pull my eyelids out like a fly,
but wait I need less,
Poke my innards,
destroy my thoughts,
make me a happy person.
I want to know nothing.
Please tell me as much as you know,
that sadness is great... I want to know.
can we become separate?
why do you have to be so beautiful, why do i love you?
please be more ugly, please hate this thing
just become horrible to me, why are you so beautiful?

Wut was that poetry shit man?


Ok, like what you have so far but yes for me it's needing work.

Firstly it doesn't really give me a journey. You have this great main chordal backbone, but it mainly to me just plays this all the way through, so I yearn for a proper dynamic and emmotional journey as this main riff of yours is demanding such.

Secondly, yes I agree it needs something else to make it whole and original, like a lead hook of some kind. Just another plucky synth melody perhaps, but I'd be careful as soooo many tracks would go that way and I'm thinking lately we need to get some proper hooks going on around here, and btw thats aimed at me of course too.

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Deluxe.

The overall feel of the track is nice, the melody isn't overly original or anything, but trance hardly is so yah...

lacks pump and reverb tails.

Yeah, I think that (and you mention it yourself) this is very nice sub-melodic concept/idea layout already and what to do next?????
well, this is very good question????

This whole track so far is base on four chords and needs to have a lot of more elements happening to spice up it properly or keep constantly evolving so listeners will not loose interest in it.

In my opinion I will have to throw a lot of FX on this base melody, do a lot of variations in drums, drops, raises and some 8 to 16 bars arps/leads sweeping through with some cool and attractive melodies.

You need to be cleaver, innovative, different with your production so people could enjoy listen to it and will say "that was something different" lol

I know that all of us are after the same idea but execution is the problem for most of us - including me

Cheers,

Darek

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quote:

Originally posted by Richard Butler Wut was that poetry shit man?

That's what happens when you drink too much Southern Comfort!

Cool, thanks for checking guys. Taking all thoughts into consideration.

it sounds a bit... mono to me.. I think it needs you to concentrate on the stereo field for a while

It also needs a more driving bass section - the one in place at the moment sucks pace out of the track (i know it's already slow)

Airwaveis one of the partners at Bonzai you know, so if he's not trying to sign it you know it needs a bit more

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