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Some jokes...
Colin burst into Richard's room to find Richard
standing on a chair with a rope around his waist
and the end of the rope around the ceiling beam.
"Hey Richard, what do you think you're doing?"
said Colin.
"I'm committing suicide," replied Richard.
"Well you're going about it all wrong," said
Colin. "You're supposed to tie the rope around
your neck, not your waist."
Richard replied "Man, but I tried that yesterday
and I nearly choked."
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Three guys were sitting at the bar bragging
about how they bring unsurpassed pleasure to
their women. The Brit, very proper in his
suit and bowler hat, remarks .....
"When I make love to my lady, I slowly and
very gently run my warm soft fingers up and
down her body and she becomes so aroused that
her body actually levitates above the bed."
Undeterred by this the Italian says ..........
"When'a I make'a love to my Maria, I pour the
syrup over her'a breasts and she is'a so happy
her body levitates THREE FEET above'a the bed".
The Aussie..... staring into his warm beer......
burps, grins and says......
"When I've screwed mah "Shielah"..... I wipe
mah cock on the curtain and she hits the fuckin
ceilin !!
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Showing his friend around his home, Jennings
started to point out all of the collectibles
he and his wife had acquired over their long
years of marriage.
"The day before I die, I'd like to sell every
piece we've got just to see how much it's all
worth."
"But you couldn't possibly know the day before
you were going to die, so how could you sell it."
"Simple: If I sell it, my wife would kill me!"
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A salesman in a strange city was feeling horny
and wanted release. He inquired for the address
of a good house of ill repute. He was told to
go to 365 East West Street.
By mistake, he went to 365 West East Street,
the office of a podiatrist.
Being met by a beautiful woman in a white
uniform surprised but intrigued him. She directed
him to an examining room and told him to uncover
and someone would be with him soon.
He loved the thought of the table and the
reclining chair and was really getting aroused
because of the strange and different approach
this house offered.
Finally the doctor's assistant, a really gorgeous
redhead entered and found him sitting in the chair
with his generous member in his hand.
"My goodness", she exclaimed, " I was expecting
to see a foot".
"Well," he said, "if you're going to complain
about an inch then I'll take my business elsewhere".
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A man takes his seat in the theatre, but he
is too far from the screen.
He whispers to the usher, "This is a mystery,
and I have to watch a mystery close up. Get
me a better seat, and I'll give you a handsome
tip."
The usher moves him into the second row, and
the man rewards him with a quarter.
The usher looks at his tip for a second and
then leans over to whisper to the man, "The
wife did it."
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A kindergarten teacher was observing her
classroom of children while they drew. She
would occasionally walk around to see each
child's artwork. As she got to one little
girl who was working diligently, she asked
what the drawing was.
The girl replied, "I'm drawing God."
The teacher paused and said, "but no one
knows what God looks like."
Without missing a beat, or looking up from
her drawing the girl replied, "They will in
a minute."
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