Nobody likes speeches, period. Also, good servers won't serve food while someone is giving a speech (this is why most weddings drag the fuck on through dinner!!), so the shorter the better.

We did not ask anyone to give speeches unless they didn't want to for those reasons. That said, only 3 people from our entire wedding party of 9 gave speeches, and they were fucking hilarious. More like a roast, really.

Do NOT share too many specific personal details about your friendship/how you know each other, blahblah. Nobody cares!

Short and sweet, offer sincere best wishes and move the fuck on.

To reiterate: NOBODY CARES. Anything you do to prolong people being able to eat, drink, and party, people will dislike you for. The most memorable speech is none at all.

quote:

Originally posted by Silky Johnson Nobody likes speeches, period. Also, good servers won't serve food while someone is giving a speech (this is why most weddings drag the fuck on through dinner!!), so the shorter the better. We did not ask anyone to give speeches unless they didn't want to for those reasons. That said, only 3 people from our entire wedding party of 9 gave speeches, and they were fucking hilarious. More like a roast, really. Do NOT share too many specific personal details about your friendship/how you know each other, blahblah. Nobody cares! Short and sweet, offer sincere best wishes and move the fuck on. To reiterate: NOBODY CARES. Anything you do to prolong people being able to eat, drink, and party, people will dislike you for. The most memorable speech is none at all.

Amen!

Pretty much what Jenny said, especially since you're a friend and not a sibling. I had to do my older brother's speech at his wedding and I gave an excellent, well-written, funny backstory of our upbringing and had numerous complements about it afterwards. Fast forward 6 years and my brother is going through a weird divorce (more on that later) at my wedding and gives a rambling, off the cuff, incoherent speech about finding ourselves in the journey of life

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Our friends and family STILL thank us for the lack of speeches at our wedding and say how it was a major factor in how awesome our day was whenever it comes up in conversation about marriage/our wedding/other people's weddings.

Don't write a speech just get really drunk and say whatever comes to mind. Everyone will appreciate your spontaneity. It also be a good time air your grievances with marriage as an outdated institution.

quote:

Originally posted by Silky Johnson Our friends and family STILL thank us for the lack of speeches at our wedding and say how it was a major factor in how awesome our day was whenever it comes up in conversation about marriage/our wedding/other people's weddings.

I mean, in fairness, our ceremony lasted maybe 10 minutes and his speech was like less than a minute of rambling nonsense. We didn't waste time with prayers and other bullshit since we are non-religious (which pissed my mother-in-law off, she wants nothing more than a wedding where the religious portions are 5 hours long).

Our ceremony was basically "do you? okay cool, do you? good, you're married, there are food and drinks inside".

Edit: and our vows were standard, textbook vows. We went to a friend's wedding last year and she told some story (whilst sobbing uncontrollably) about how they met and how he's "her person" (puke) and all this other sappy bullshit while we just wanted to go inside and eat. Also a cash bar, which was fucking lame.

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Same. I've been in and been to enough weddings to know the worst parts of them, and did not want to do that to our own guests.

TBH, you need to punish everyone with a long and dumb speech for making you 'best men'.i recommend learning elvish (from writings of Tolkien) and speaking for a good 30 minutes with said language. Don't forget to sacrifice something while everyone is watching. i also recommend swirling red food colouring in your mouth and letting it drip out while you speak

He makes a valid point as well.

I would generally recommend following planetaryplayer's advice on all issues. Including this one.

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Mixes:
> Maximum Elevation [Progressive House]
> DI.FM 26th Anniversary Guest Mix [Progressive House]
> Live @ Dance:Love:Hub London, 11.10.2025
> Higher Peaks [Progressive House]
> Dance:Love:Hub Afterparty (The Return) 23.11.24

Like these sets? Come see me play live at Kibosh in Manchester: https://www.instagram.com/kibosh.mcr/