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Re: A couple of books loosely related to the topic
| quote: | Originally posted by Vesa
I think that this is still an open research problem  Psychology is not able to handle such a difficult topic yet 
To understand even one woman is very hard. When individual differences are taken into account, it becomes impossible to understand women as a group. So I guess the only way to know why a woman does what she does is to ask her. However, I'm not sure if she always knows it herself, and even if she does, she may think it's inappropriate to tell you. Besides, asking her directly may be boring in the romantic sense, so there is really no surefire solution.
R. Don Steele - How To Date Young Women is a good book. Among other things, it tells about many different types of conditions where women live in. Some topics:
- Many women get a lot of crap and unrealistic expectations from their relatives, friends, boyfriends and colleagues, so if she behaves in an irritated manner, it's sometimes their fault, not yours.
- A woman's values may change rapidly when she gets new influences. That explains some decisions which look like an irrational change of mind at first glance.
- Women are individuals. Depending on their age and position in society, they act differently. So how to act with a woman is context dependent. You have to start easily, and modify behaviour depending on what she's like as an individual. Specifically, notice that no man can behave in a way that appeals to all women.
Bryan Redfield - A Bartender's Guide On How To Pick-Up Women has many excellent points. Some of them:
- Women are physically smaller and weaker than men. Men may not realize that meeting a stranger is therefore a bit intimidating to most women. They may see the situation of meeting you for the first time in the same way, as you feel like when a 250 lbs Hell's Angel starts to talk to you. Therefore, it's important to let her have her own space, and not approach her too heavily. She is the one who chooses if she wants to continue interaction with you, so make sure that she doesn't feel like you are pushing too hard. BTW, the film Taxi Driver by Scorsese has an excellent example of how NOT to act. It's really a woman's horror scenario.
- Women in general like sincere interaction. Acting like an arrogant jerk just makes women think of the man as an idiot, and they also scold him to their friends. Basically ruining his chances of success in the entire social circle.
Unfortunately, Redfield seems to suggest the sensitive way of behaviour as a solution to these problems, but that part of the book is utter bullshit. In my opinion, it's better to find a way of acting which is manly and assertive, but still real and natural. So my point is to get her respect, instead of looking like a nice guy.
The above books may sound like pick-up guides because of their titles, but they are exactly the opposite. The only way of interacting with women successfully is to keep it real, and use no stupid pick-up gimmicks.
If there is one well-known general feature of women's behaviour, it's their great intuition. Most women are able to read men very fast, and they know what you are like as a person. So all kinds of phony pick-up guides will not work, and only make you look like a moron. She knows your real value, and will judge you according to that. The right way of interaction is bringing out your good sides (if there are some), and trust that they are enough to attract the woman who appreciates the real you.
This became a long post, but I'm not claiming that I really know anything about women's behaviour. The truth is that despite reading all this info, I still don't understand women at all  |
I'm sure that no book can bring you a pertinent answer and in my opinion no book will bring one...
Women are so difficult to understand. Sometimes it's very frustrating!
I suggest not to care too much about women's behaviour, your own health will thank you... 
Sorry for the bad english...
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