Does anyone else suffer from this?

When i refer to low confidence i associate it with women. You see, i am soooo shy. I hate it, but i am only shy to strangers, as soon as i have a conversation going or something, i'm fine.
Last night i went clubbing, and this really HOT girl was grinding against me whilst i was talking to my mate, she made it pretty obvious that she liked me b'coz i was against the wall and, well i pretty much couldn't move. My mate was like "go for it!" so i just started dancing with her from behind (as u do). Now for me to do that took some fucking determination. I mean, i was sooo nervious because i am always scared of being turned down! Well anyway, two lads were watching which made me nervious as i had no idea who they were lol Anyway, her friend came over and pulled her away.

Luckily i dont go out to pull because if i did, i would have quit a long time ago. I just go out to have a good time and i did definatly last night - for an angel and silence played beautiful!!!!lol
I just lack the confidence to go up to a girl and start talking and its, well its pissing me off now that i cant do it.

Anyway, do you ppl think that some ppl just arn't going to be able to pull in clubs? THey're just bound to find girls they like from work, university, college etc..? because thats what i feel i may be like at the moment!

Anyway, sorry for rambling, my friends hit me when i say this so im expecting some grusome replies lol...be nice

Matt

P.s. i think il join myself to the "single and ready to mingle" thread lol

the way to do it is get some liquid courage (alcohol) and do it a few times after that its easier sober. I used to be really shy also, and still am a bit, but it gets easier the more youve done it, so do it anyway you can hehe. the main thing to convince yourself of though, (and this sounds shallow /shrug) is this: You are there for you, you came because YOU wanted a good time, and you arent gonna let people get in the way of that, so who cares whos watchin, this ones for you

cheers

Alcohol is your friend
I used to suffer from a severe lack of confidence, something which has only changed in the past 18 months. I am now one of those people you hate

drinky and fags
plus 'fuckit, i dont give a shit' attitude
my tips

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Your problems are merely mental, that is to say they are illusions that you create. Fear is solely a defensive mechanism, and for some reason this mechanism is dominating your behavior by causing your excessive shyness. So ask yourself what this underlying reason is, and if it deserves the response that it receives.

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quote:

Originally posted by PeacefulWarrior Your problems are merely mental, that is to say they are illusions that you create. Fear is solely a defensive mechanism, and for some reason this mechanism is dominating your behavior by causing your excessive shyness. So ask yourself what this underlying reason is, and if it deserves the response that it receives.

quit trying to sound smart.

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The only way to get over it is just to go for it. Seriously, what are you afraid of? I used to be the same way, but now Ill chat up girls easy. Whats the worst that can happen? Shes not going to go OMG NO! and mace you for trying to talk to her or something. So what if you get turned down? More often that not, you wont. Even if you do, who cares, ignore her, youll probably never see her again in your life.

Just ask a nice girl if she would like to dance. If she accepts (which she probably will), just say "my name's ______" and take if from there.

Honestly I used to be very shy myself. I didnt persue some very obvious female advances. You would be astonished how easy it is to chat up a girl if you just try, and take the first step.

Once your talking and havin fun, just say "hey you want to hang out at _____ or somethin this/next weekend?" She will probably say yes, ask for her number or offer to give her yours. And your in

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quote:

Originally posted by nrjizer The only way to get over it is just to go for it. Seriously, what are you afraid of? I used to be the same way, but now Ill chat up girls easy. Whats the worst that can happen? Shes not going to go OMG NO! and mace you for trying to talk to her or something. So what if you get turned down? More often that not, you wont. Even if you do, who cares, ignore her, youll probably never see her again in your life. Just ask a nice girl if she would like to dance. If she accepts (which she probably will), just say "my name's ______" and take if from there. Honestly I used to be very shy myself. I didnt persue some very obvious female advances. You would be astonished how easy it is to chat up a girl if you just try, and take the first step. Once your talking and havin fun, just say "hey you want to hang out at _____ or somethin this/next weekend?" She will probably say yes, ask for her number or offer to give her yours. And your in

That's all nice and well.
But what if you make a fool of yourself? What if she has a b/f?

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quote:

Originally posted by PeacefulWarrior Your problems are merely mental, that is to say they are illusions that you create. Fear is solely a defensive mechanism, and for some reason this mechanism is dominating your behavior by causing your excessive shyness. So ask yourself what this underlying reason is, and if it deserves the response that it receives.

Yeah I agree. Alcohol works, but then there is a fine line with that too, because eventually you'll begin to think that you can't be yourself or express yourself if you don't have alohol to help you release. But it works nonetheless! Just be aware of that.

quote:

Originally posted by Eugene That's all nice and well. But what if you make a fool of yourself? What if she has a b/f?

You're only "making a fool of yourself" cos that's the label you put on it. There's no way you can predict which girl has a boyfriend, so just keep cool, make some small talk, say "what a pity" and move on to someone else. If you don't act embarassed, no-one will think you made a fool of yourself.

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i do...it sucks...i hate it...and in my mind i say ill do this or that but when it coems down to it i dont

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the first few minutes may be very disornating...remember to stay clam and focused...insticts could play a very important part here...so trust us..

I used to, and now I'm in a really funny situation. I get to talk to them, get their phone number and stuff, however, I'm usually so depressed and melancholic at home that I never call them

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