One day ima gonna LA to bigga hotel. Ina morning I go down to eat breakfast. I tella waitress I wanna two pisses toast. She brings me only one piss. I tella her I want two piss. She say go to the toliet.

I say you no understand, I wanna two piss onna my plate. She say you better no piss onna plate, you sonna ma bitch. I don't even know the lady and she call me sonna ma bitch!

Later, I go to eat at the bigga restaurant. The waitress brings me a spoon and knife, but no fock. I tella her I wanna fock. She tell me everyone wanna fock. I tella her you no understand. I wanna fock on the table. She say you better not fock on the table, you sonna ma bitch.

So I go back to my room ina hotel and there is no shits onna my bed. Call the manager and tella him I wanna shit. He tell me to go to toliet. I say you no understand. I wanna shit on my bed. He say you better not shit onna bed, you sonna ma bitch. I go to the checkout and the man at the desk say, "Peace on you." I say piss on you too, you sonna ma bitch, I gonna back to Italy!

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A fellow was telling a couple his friends about the tragedy that befell him while scouting the woods that weekend prior to opening of deer season.

"I was goin' through the woods", he said, "when, turning behind a big tree, I came face to face with a huge grizzly.".....

"Wow!", said one of the friends, "that must've been really scarey". ...

"Yeah", said the man telling the story, "The grizzly reared up like this" (man stands up, raises both hands in front...with hands clawed), "and goes GRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!! Man, I just shit all over myself"\!!"....

"Well, hell", says one of the buddies, "I'd shit all over myself, too, if a bear did that to me." ......

"No, no," said the teller, I didn't mean, then.....I meant, just now...when I reared up and screamed GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR"!!!



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Two guys decide to go on a hunting trip. When there friend hears about it, he begges to go. The two men are skeptical, because every time there friend goes, he scares away all the game. The friend promises that if he is allowed to go, he will stay at the camp site, because he likes to camp more than hunt. They agree and they start on their trip.

Once camp is set up, the two men decide to go hunt, and their friend stays behind. After several hours they finally spot a ten point buck, but a shrill scream scares the buck away. The two men run back to camp, only to find their friend standing there looking up into the trees.

"What's wrong?" They asked.

"Yeah, you scared off our game."

"I'm sorry, fellas. I didn't scream when the snake fell out of the tree and wrapped aound my neck. I didn't yell when the bear came out of the woods and mauled me nearly to death. But those SQUIRELS..."

"When those two squirels had climbed up my pants leg, and the first squirel asked the second, "Do we eat them NOW, or do we take them HOME?", I couldn't help it..."

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Two gay men were walking through a zoo. They come across the gorillas, and after a while they notice that the male gorilla has a massive erection. The gay men are fascinated by this. One of the men (Peter) just can't bear it any longer and he reaches into the cage to touch it.

The gorilla grabs Peter, drags him into the cage and has his way with him for six hours nonstop. When he's done, the gorilla throws the man back out of the cage.

An ambulance is called and Peter is taken away to the hospital.

The next day Bobby visits him in the hospital and asks, "Are you hurt?"

"AM I HURT?", Peter shouts, "Wouldn't you be? He hasn't called, he hasn't written......."



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There were once three guys exploring the jungle. A tourist, a French soilder, and a Birtish soilder. They were walking in the jungle one day, when a canibal jumped out and captured them.

"Right! I'm going to skin you alive and make your skins into a conoe! But I am in a good mood, so i'll let you chose how you want to die!"

So the Frenchman chooses how he wants to die.

"I'd want to be shot by a pistol."

So the canibal shoots him, and skins him, making 1/3 of the conoe.

The next day the British soilder chooses how he wants to die.

"I'd like to be stabbed with a sword dear chap!"

So the canabil stabs him, skins him and makes another 1/3 of the conoe.

Finally it is the tourist's turn to choose.

"I'd like a fork." He says.

A bit confused, the canibal hands him fork.

Then the tourist begins to wildly stab himself over and over again. Blood gushes out his chest, but he just keeps stabbing himslef over and over.

"What the hell are you doing?!" Screams the canibal.

"I'm ruining your fucking conoe, you jerk!!!"