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Geordie Jokes
well since I posted jokes that took the piss outta scousers yesterday..i figured...i'll post some geordie jokes.
Q: What's the difference between a Geordie lass and the Titanic? A: Only 1500 men went down on the Titanic.
Q: What does a Geordie lass say after sex? A: Do you all play for the same team?
Q: How does a Geordie lass turn on the light after sex? A: She opens the car door.
Q: How do you know when a Geordie lass has an orgasm? A: She drops her pie.
Q:What does a Geordie lass use for protection when having sex? A: A bus shelter.
Q: What's the difference between a Geordie lass and an ironing board? A: You have trouble opening the legs on an ironing board.
Q: What does a Geordie lass put behind her ears to make her more attractive to men? A: Her feet.
Q: What do you call a Geordie lass and her mates in the middle of Lake Windermere? A: The Isle of Dogs.
Q: Why does a Geordie lass only have short dinner breaks when working? A: To avoid re-training.
Q: What's the difference between a Geordie lass and a sea monster? A: A sea monster doesn't put its phone number in your pocket after eating seaman.
Q: Why is a Geordie lass like a washing machine? A: They both drip when they are f****d.
Q: What's the difference between a Geordie lass and a Boeing 747? A: There's only one cockpit in a 747.
Q: What does a Geordie lass do with her a*****ole before having sex? A: She takes him down the pub and gets him pissed.
Q: What's the difference between aGeordie lass and a washing machine? A: You can dump your load in a washing machine and it won't follow you around for a week.
Q: How many Geordie lass does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: None, they only screw in cars.
Q: What has a Geordie lass got in common with a cowpat? A: The older she gets, the easier she is to pick up.
Q: What's the difference between a Geordie lass and a cream egg? A: It costs 32p to lick out a cream egg.
Q: What's the difference between a Geordie lass and a Kitkat? A: You only get 4 fingers in a Kitkat.
Q: What has a Geordie lass and a computer got in common? A: You don't appreciate them until they go down on you.
Q: What's a Geordie lass idea of safe sex? A: Keeping the handbrake on.
Q: How do you make a Geordie lass laugh on Boxing Day? A: Tell her a joke on Christmas Day.
Q What have a 3 pin plug and Newcastle United got in common.
A Their both completely useless in Europe.
geordie, a Mackem and Boro fan walking down the street.up pops the fairy godmother and says I will give you one wish each.the boro fan I wish for Boro to play entertaining football and get to europe this season (fat chance) your wish is granted says fgm. The mackem says I wish those geordies would stop saying they have a better team and stadium so I want a 20 foot wall round Sunderland to keep the ba*****s out Your wish is granted says the fgm. The geordie enquires if there is anyway in or out of sunderland" no says the fgm"..... "well I wish you to flood it says the geordie"
Desmond Lynam was interviewing Peter "planet of the apes" Reid and Ruud Gullit on Match of the day. "Well Peter, what are your long term aims for Sunderland?" "Well des, I want us to get promotion, and hopefully put a half decent cup run together, say fourth round or so, and fill the ground with paying customers once or twice next season" Des turns to Gullit and says " how about yourself Ruud?" Well des, I want us to do the double , win the Worthington Cup, have every member of the team playing for their country, I am running for prime minister, and I want us to have 40,000 on the waiting list for seats in our 200,000 seater stadium. Not to mention of course not conceding a single goal all season....... Des stops him in full flow, saying "hold on a minute Ruud, don't you think you're stretching things a little here?" Gullit simply nods in the direction of reid and says "He started it!"
Fire brigade phones Gullit in the early hours of Sunday morning...
"Mr Gullit sir, St James Park is on fire!"
"The cups! Save the cups!" replies Ruudy.
"Uh, the fire hasn't spread to the canteen yet, sir."
Two Mags are walking along. One of them picks up a mirror, looks in it, and says "Hey, I know that bloke" The second one picks it up and says "Of course you do, Hinney - its me!"
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