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Re: Confusion 101
| quote: | Originally posted by DjDarling
Alright, I just want to get some input on a situation I've got myself into. I really am in love with this guy that I used to date, me and him are perfect for each other and get along wicked. When we are together, it seems like nothing could ever be wrong. However we have a bad past of lies, cheating, and many late night pyshcho fights...which causes my friends to not be so supportive when it comes to me going back to him. In fact, they all hate him, as well as my family, for everything that's happened between us. When I am not with him now, I am always tripping out that my friends are going to be mad at me, and that they will all be talking about how I totally shouldn't be with him. We are different now though it feels like, and I don't think that those painful things would happen again. I was just wondering what some of you think the right road would be to take... |
In my less-than-humble opinion, you are in an extremely bad position.
I am strongly inclined to agree with Mebot's prediction that, quote "If you go out with him again, it seems to me that you will probably start cheating or having fights with him again."
The reason for this is that a romantic relationship is entirely different from a simple friendship because both sides will change their behavior and expectations. Since, in the past, you experienced a broad spectrum of problems when dating this individual, but get along great with him now that you are no longer romantically entangled, the most likely cause of this change is the change in each of your respective behaviors and expectations based upon the different state of your present relationship. If you try to go back to dating him, each of your behaviors and expectations will change once again - most likely back to just about what they were last time, which obviously didn't work.
However, I'm afraid it's not that simple.
If, as you state, you are "really in love with this guy," then I assume that making your feelings go away is not as easy as simply coming to the realization that, if you renew your relationship with him, most of the same problems are likely to ensue. This is because, most likely, there will always be a part of you which wants to cling to the hope that it could still work (and I'm not telling you it's impossible, just that it's improbable). This conflict of feelings would be an unpleasant one, just like what you are probably already experiencing to a degree now which prompted you to create this thread. It's also a feeling which, unfortunately, may be difficult to leave behind.
So, it seems to me that you have two choices:
1. You can try to renew your relationship with him.
*If you do, it will probably fail. If you are not prepared to accept that failure, along with facing the reality that your friends and family will not like this decision, then do not choose this option.
or
2. You can elect not to try to renew your relationship with him.
*If you do this, you may be haunted by persistent thoughts of regret, and find yourself constantly asking "what if?"
If I were you (and I'm not), I would be inclined to choose option number one because of two beliefs I hold:
1. I don't care what anyone else thinks about my personal choices.
and
2. It's better to fight and die than to run away a coward and live with the shame.
But I cannot tell you what to do, because, as I stated, you and I are obviously different people. You need to look within yourself and decide what is most important to you, and then make your own decision.
Best Wishes,
Arbiter
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