I just got into a big argument with a female friend of mine over this issue. She feels that guys are obligated to always be the ones paying for dates and spoiling the girls. And this is coming from an 18-year-old who drives a new BMW.

What the hell? Are we back in the 50's again? Do women not have jobs? Are they not capable of supporting themselves? Does the importance of gender equality go out the window with the promise of a free date?

For some reason, women feel their company is so precious that it's worth not only our company, but also our money! And while we're at it, we might as well buy them expensive gifts. This way they'll have something to laugh about with their friends, just like this very same girl did two weeks ago when some loser bought her an $500 cell.

I think today's 'men' are largely to blame for women's skewed perspective of the dating game. They call them 5 times a day, buy them flowers all the time, pay for their dates, buy them gifts, pay their damn bills and do everything imaginable to spoil them rotten.

I'm almost 21 and i'm proud to say that i've never paid for a date in my life unless i knew the girl would pay for half of it or would treat me next time. And yes, i've dated girls like my friend before, and converted them to my own way of thinking. They're so hung up on equality now that they even help me fill up with gas when we go places.

So how do you feel about all this? I wanna hear from both guys and girls. And please take the time to write out a thoughtful reply to really get your point of view across. Don't only tell us how you see it, tell us why! And guys, for fuck's sake, stop being such pussies. Next time a girl asks you to buy her a drink, ask her to buy you one first.




FURTHER THOUGHTS - AUGUST 5

Personally, i'd have to say this has little to do with money. I'm not rich, but i'd be lying if i said that i could even notice the impact of a few fully-paid dates on my monthly statement. So it's really the principle. Both of equality and of effectiveness. The first is obvious, so i'll elaborate on the second.

Paying for the first date is basically shooting yourself in the foot. It sets the wrong tone from the state. Think about it: you've just met and you're already doing her favors. And she knows why too - you're trying to win her over because you wanna have sex with her. This immediately makes you the pursuer, and places her ass firmly on top of your head (and i don't mean in the way you want either).

If you don't care about money, at least take the time to think where paying for even the first date leads. This paints the wrong (though often correct) picture for the girl and she'll treat you accordingly. If you're planning to show her that you're not the kind of guy to be used later, you'll be fighting an uphill battle because the foundation for your relationship was already laid and she's made up her mind about you.

Now, i understand how seemingly embarassing it may be for the guy to say "no" when the girl says she wants him to pick up the bill in the end of the night. But let's set some things straight here. You're a man. You're strong and unafraid to stand up for what you believe in. If she doesn't understand it and won't respect you for it, she's nothing but a spoiled, snobby bitch. Why would you even want to be with someone like that? Her (lack of) willingness to pay should be a way for you to test her worthiness, not a way for her to test yours!

But there's also an alternative path you can take to avoid unpleasant dates. Don't date her. If you call her and ask her out to dinner, she'll go into 'date mode' and start expecting things. Instead, ask her for coffee - you can even do this when you first meet her. Then you can convey your personality and vice versa. Tell her a story about your "friend's" run-in with a snobby bitch and make sure she understands that's not what you're looking for. If she likes you at all, right then and there she'll assure you that if she were in that situation, she'd love to pay for half.

Last edited by d!abolic on Aug-05-2004 at 21:48

spending time with me is that precious.

i agree diabolic

I don't think men SHOULD pay, but most of the guys I have dated still have some sense of chivalry and like to think of themselves as the providers, meaning, they always offer to pay, and only sometimes I insist on contributing.

So long as the couple agrees on who should pay between them, what's the big deal? If your friend finds a guy who wants to be like that, then that's perfect for both of them, and isn't really any of your concern.

Whoever asks for a date should pay for a date. IMHO that's fair. Thus if you are a guy and ask a girl for a date, expect to pay for it.

Once you are in a relationship; however, partners should take turns.

That's my 0.02c

I usually split...unless I'm feeling generous and sometimes pay for something...but if the girl insists taht I should be the one paying for her chances are I won't go out with her for long...

Precious time my ass...

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quote:

Originally posted by Skipper I don't think men SHOULD pay, but most of the guys I have dated still have some sense of chivalry and like to think of themselves as the providers, meaning, they always offer to pay, and only sometimes I insist on contributing. So long as the couple agrees on who should pay between them, what's the big deal? If your friend finds a guy who wants to be like that, then that's perfect for both of them, and isn't really any of your concern.

yeah exactly, if you don't agree with paying then don't pay. find a girl that will pay for everything for you. but if you are a guy that is willing to provide at least for the first couple of dates then go right ahead. people get together no matter what, you just need to find a person that shares your views.

btw, once you are together for a long time, both of you pay since it's both your money. that's the situation i'm in now.

spending time with me or any other woman is actually worth a lot more than just a free meal.

If women expect me to pay for the date they better make DAMN GOOD breakfast

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I find there aren't that many girls like this anymore. Usually the ones that are like this are girls you probably wouldn't want to get involved with anyways.

I have no problem paying for a girl that I care about, but if we are just starting to date to evaluate relationship potential, why should it be me that has to pay?

It's usually the lazy ass hoochies with no jobs that expect the guys to pay for them anyways. Why would you get a job when you have some poor loser who's going to pay your way for you?

My famous saying


"equality ends when the cheque comes to the table"

Women seem to want it (and they have it) both ways. They want all the trappings of feminism (and so they should have) such as equal pay and equal rights but when that actually becomes a disadvantage they all of a sudden become traditionalists. This is why i have obstained from dating canadian women for a while. Im sick of the double standard. Not all are this way but there are way too many "princesses" out there that forget how to treat their prince.


That old rap song said it best.... "this is equal rights..you can pick up the cheque"

I'll pay, I don't give a shit about the money, it's the principal/attitude behind it. Sitting back expecting me to pay all the time and that'll piss me off, honestly offering to pay when you can, makes all the difference, even if they don't end up paying. With my GF, I pick up the cheque more often because I make more money, but she doesn't expect me to pay all the time. She contributes what she can, so I don't mind really care if I spend more.

But in general, I'd pay for the first date, 2nd too, but after that (and especially if there was no offer to help in the first two). I'd be on the highroad out of there. Go find someone else to take advantage of.

Last edited by harcourt on Aug-03-2004 at 17:18

Stereoprincess: a woman's time is worth more than a meal? Well so is mine... so what do i get out of this?