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Official TA joke thread
INEXPERIENCED CURRY TASTER
Notes From An Inexperienced Curry Taster Named FRANK, who was visiting
Phoenix, Durban from the U.S. "Recently I was honoured to be selected as a
judge at a curry
cook-off. The original person called in sick at the last moment and I
happened to be standing there at the judge's table asking directions to the
beer wagon when the call came. I was assured by the other two judges (couple
of
local Indians) that the curry wouldn't be all that spicy, and besides, they
told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted. Here are
the scorecards from the event:
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Curry # 1: Manoj's Maniac Mobster Monster Curry
JUDGE ONE: A little too heavy on tomato. Amusing kick.
JUDGE TWO: Nice, smooth tomato flavour. Very mild.
FRANK: Holy shit, what the hell is this stuff? You could
remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the flames
out. I hope that's the worst one. These char o's are crazy.
__________________________________________
Curry # 2: Applesamy's Afterburner Curry
JUDGE ONE: Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight Jalapeno tang.
JUDGE TWO: Exciting BBQ flavour, needs more peppers to be
taken seriously.
FRANK: Keep this out of reach of children! I'm not sure what I am supposed
to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me
the Heimlich manoeuvre. They had to rush in more beer when they saw the look
on my face.
___________________________________________
Curry # 3: Farouk's Famous Burn Down the Barn curry
JUDGE ONE: Excellent firehouse curry! Great kick. Needs more beans.
JUDGE TWO: A beanless curry, a bit salty, good use of red
peppers.
FRANK: Call Colesburg, I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels like I
have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now, get me more
beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back; now my backbone is in
the front part of my chest. I'm getting shit-faced from all the beer.
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Curry # 4: Barbu's Black Magic
JUDGE ONE: Black bean curry with almost no spice.
Disappointing.
JUDGE TWO: Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other
mild foods, not much of a curry.
FRANK: I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste
it, is it possible to burn-out taste buds? Savathree, the bar maid, was
standing behind me with fresh refills; that 300 lb. bitch is starting to
look HOT, just like this nuclear waste I'm eating. Is curry an aphrodisiac?
____________________________________________
Curry # 5: Laveshnee's Legal Lip Remover
JUDGE ONE: Meaty, strong curry. Cayenne peppers freshly
ground, adding considerable kick. Very impressive.
JUDGE TWO: Curry using shredded beef; could use more tomato. Must admit the
cayenne peppers make a strong statement.
FRANK: My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and I can no
longer focus my eyes. I farted and four people behind me needed paramedics.
The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her curry had
given me brain damage. Savathree saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring
beer directly on it from a pitcher. I wonder if I'm burning my lips off? It
really pisses me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming. Screw
those char o's!
___________________________________________
Curry # 6: Vera's Very Vegetarian Variety
JUDGE ONE: Thin yet bold vegetarian variety curry. Good
balance of spice and peppers.
JUDGE TWO: The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, and garlic.
Superb.
FRANK: My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with
gaseous, sulfuric flames. I shit myself when I farted and I'm worried it
will eat through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except
that slut Savathree, she must be kinkier than I thought. Can't feel my lips
anymore. I need to wipe my ass with a snow cone!
_____________________________________________
Curry # 7: Sugash's Screaming Sensation Curry
JUDGE ONE: A mediocre curry with too much reliance on canned peppers.
JUDGE TWO: Ho Hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of curry
peppers at the last moment. I should note that I am worried about Judge
Number 3. He appears to be in a bit of distress as he is cursing
uncontrollably.
FRANK: You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I wouldn't
feel a fucking thing. I've lost the sight in one eye, and the world sounds
like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with curry which
slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava-like shit to match
my damn shirt. At least during the autopsy they'll know what killed me. I've
decided to stop breathing, it's too painful. Fuck it, I'm not
getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I'll just suck it in through the 4
inch hole in my stomach.
____________________________________________
Curry # 8: Hansraj's Mount Saint Curry
JUDGE ONE: A perfect ending, this is a nice blend curry, safe for all, not
too bold but spicy enough to declare its existence.
JUDGE TWO: This final entry is a good, balanced curry, neither mild nor hot.
Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge Number 3 passed out, fell
over and pulled the curry pot down on top of himself. Not sure if
he's going to make it. Poor Yank, wonder how he'd have reacted to a really
hot curry?
FRANK: --------------(editor's note: Judge #3 was unable to report)
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Max Walkers official TA fan club chapter president
| quote: | Originally posted by DJMD123
Great googliemoogly!  |
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