FAQ: RECOGNIZING AND DEALING WITH THE SLUTMONKEYS IN YOUR LIFE
a practical guide by d!abolic



1. WHAT IS A SLUTMONKEY?

According to Urban Dictionary, a slutmonkey is:

A slut who jumps from dick to dick like a monkey jumps to branches.

"Damn, that slut monkey gave my WHOLE fuckin' crew AIDS. Shiiieet."


2. WHAT ARE THE SURE-FIRE WAYS TO RECOGNIZE A SLUTMONKEY?

1. Micro-micro-skirt, also known as the "you can still see EVERYTHING, but at least i can say that i'm wearing SOMETHING skirt."
2. Tits that account for more than 15% of total body weight (see below).
3. Total body weight under 100lbs, thanks years on the "eat nothing, drink everything diet."
4. A tanning salon bill that is equal to or larger than the rent bill.
5. She's almost half a foot shorter than you, but towers over you when she puts on her heels.
6. A small, single-file procession of black guys following her wherever she goes (and yes, she lets them take turns).
7. hername.mpg is always the first file that comes up when you search your favorite P2P network for "whore"
8. She thinks Madonna is a prude and should loosen up (pun intended) a bit
9. When she walks into a the local drug store, they ask if she'd like "the usual" and hand her a morning after pill.
10. She doesn't mind if you sleep with her best friend. In fact, she insists on it because she's already slept with eight of yours.


3. HOW DO I DEAL WITH SLUTMONKEYS?

Dealing with slutmonkeys is simple, as they always want the same thing you do (if you're a guy or a bisexual girl anyway). Simply ensure that you have the Three Essentials present with you at all times (home, car, etc):

1. Alcohol
2. Condoms
3. Paper towel

Note that if you choose to skip #2, add "blank cheque for child support" to #4.

Last edited by d!abolic on Jul-12-2006 at 03:55