Ok....I just had a really weird dream...
It's a bit too personal to post but I'm pretty damn sure it had to do with something dark that has been hanging over my head for a LONG time.
No I'm not talking a 'mental block' but something outside of myself, like a curse?
I do believe that I have a guardian Angel but I am now believing that something else has been with me, holding me back from becoming the person I know I should become.
All I know is that it scared the shit outta me. Why? Because it was too real? Yea...but when you're pretty damn sure that you were REALLY speaking the words that were coming out of something elses mouth in your dream and suddening wake up and hear yourself....

I'm not a religious person myself (in that I don't normally go to church) but religion can be fasinating once you get past the humdrum and monotony.
I've always believed that the church is in my heart and not in a building; although some churches are built in areas of strong spiritual influence.

I'm really starting to wonder if some things really are out of my control?
Am I destined to act like a Taurus? Am I really mapped out as the stars are? Am I predetermined??? (or at least part of me...)

I don't believe that I'm 100% out of control. Most things in my life are a direct result of my own predetermined choices.
We all eat at a banquet of our own regrets.

I've come to a point in my life where I'm realizing that I can't change the past, no matter how long I reflect on what could have been.
I don't spend enough time looking ahead, and the present...well, that just slapped me in the face last night.

The future has always been soooo cloudy for me which is probably why I never really spent any great amount of time looking at it.
The question of why it's been so cloudy or why I haven't really focused on it, is a hard one.
Am I being coaxed by something else not to? Being influenced that it's easier to look at my past because it has substance and I can analyse it.
But I am now just waking up from this altered state, realizing how much time I've wasted.

Will it take work?
Yes.
Will I be afraid?
Never again. I know I'm more powerful with HIM in me than anything else that tries.
Will I need support?
Peoplewise, probably not.
Spiritually, probably. And I'll ask for it. I'm glad I've gotten this far and I can honestly say that I'm glad of the person I've become but I KNOW I need to get to the next level.
It's been like a brick wall for me for sooo long that for some reason I just accepted that it was there. Not realizing that there's a door I've never opened.

I know to some of you, I may sound like I'm off my rocker. To others you know what I'm talking about and that's ok. Your time will come.
I think mine has.

I know I can share this with you because I believe the people who listen to Trance are good natured people with a kind heart.
My personal Manifesto?
Maybe.

All I know is that I opened my eyes, I woke up more than once in that instant...

Peace,

Jeff

___________________
"...End? No, the journey doesn't end here. Death is just another path...one that we all must take.
The grey rain-curtain of this world rolls back, and all change to silver glass...and then you see it...
...white shores...and beyond...the far green country under a swift sunrise."

quote:

Originally posted by Fir3start3r I'm not a religious person myself (in that I don't normally go to church) but religion can be fasinating once you get past the humdrum and monotony. I've always believed that the church is in my heart and not in a building; although some churches are built in areas of strong spiritual influence. ------------------- I've come to a point in my life where I'm realizing that I can't change the past, no matter how long I reflect on what could have been. I don't spend enough time looking ahead, and the present...well, that just slapped me in the face last night. ------------------- It's been like a brick wall for me for sooo long that for some reason I just accepted that it was there. Not realizing that there's a door I've never opened.

wow, i totally know what yer saying... i have a few things to comment on first though..

the first part of the quote: church (the building part) makes good people IMO. I see no point in going there unless you feel that you need some sort of instruction on how to live or you feel that the feeling of 'togetherness' makes you stronger. otherwise, as in my situation, why go because I have a conscience and I have morals and I can stand on my own two feet. There is some gon in all of us, whether it be a "defined" god or something else, its there.

2nd part: since, well i dont know since when, but for a while now. maybe when I realized that, in light of 2 of my friends dying, life is not something to waste. I know two people who were taken from me at the ages of 17 and 18, shit thats only like 1/5 of a lifetime and honestly, in terms of experiences, it has to be only around 1/100!!! If you spend all of the time looking into the past or into the future you may miss whats going on now. I know that it is important to plan ahead, but some people do it sooo mucyh that that is ALL that they do.

3rf part: uhhhh..... forgot what i had to say about that,m but im nbot leavin it out. rekonize!


anyways, I personally dont want to have anything to do with predestination. I feel that everything I have achieved is attributed to actions of myself and the support of family and friends. i try not to just go on living passively... in a sense, you have to actually make an effort to actually open 'the door.' Thats why i dont believe in fate. You can chose to get up every morning and whine about work or school and whine about being tired and whine about mondays, or you can chose to get up every day looking forward to a new day to fill with anything you want, a chance to learn and grow, and a chance to make the best of everything.

cheers,
Marc

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no obstacles between my heart and my words; my lips, the great liaison to my soul.

WOOOOOOOW
Im belgian, its kinda hard lecture to read for me, but from what I read --> I really respect the way u guys think.

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Best of the best:
Laurent Garnier - sambu

Fir3start3r, what exactly happened?
I'm sorry but I didn't fully understand your post.

At least I hope that your wife comforted you at a time of personal doubt and worry

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Download all my EuroHardTrance traxx & learn more about me ("Kompulsor"):
www.kompulsor.com

relax man it'll be ok happens to the best of us sumtimes

quote:

Originally posted by AnotherWay83 relax man it'll be ok happens to the best of us sumtimes

Coprrect me if im wrown, fir3start3r, but I felt that that was a GOOD experience... shrug

-M

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no obstacles between my heart and my words; my lips, the great liaison to my soul.

From what I read in that post is that some sort of understanding was cleared up, I'd call it an "epiphany" possibly. You've "seen the light" (I hate to be cliche...) but that's prob what it is that's happened. Awesome. I only wish I get that...sometime. I was a bit confused in the beginning of reading your post firestarter but now I get what you're saying.

that was an amazing post.

quote:

But I am now just waking up from this altered state, realizing how much time I've wasted.

catharsis, i can actually pin point it to one night where it started. i feel like a whole new person sometimes. tho I still have my basic values and thought process, something just seems.... different. it's calmed me. my broodings about the past have eased, and I can take on the present with more clarity.

quote:

I'm glad I've gotten this far and I can honestly say that I'm glad of the person I've become but I KNOW I need to get to the next level.

*shakes head* me and my two closest friend had an intricate conversation about this very thing a few nights ago....levels. or "the next level". it was probably the most uplifting conversation i've ever had. the weird part is that i've known the guys for a while now and never knew they had that level of conciousness. i haven't seen them since that night due to work etc and I wonder if our relationship is going to be affected by that one night we simply talked and talked about things you would never think to talk about.

i don't believe that any force has that kind of an effect on you. everything is based on your own experiences, prior thought processes and eventual enlightenment. some people get it , some don't, some sooner than others. and people who have it can in a way tell whether someone else has that quality or close to it and whether it's faked or not. the guardian angel thing I perceive as more of a title to put to this conciousness rather than it's actual existence. does this make any sense whatsoever?

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Last edited by Damo on Apr-08-2002 at 03:16

hmm... you had an epiphany.

cool.

use it to your advantage to clear your mind, so you can reason and contemplate, and not as raw emotion that will cloud your judgment.

___________________
The father made fetuses with flesh licking ladies / While you and your mother were asleep in the trailer park / Thunderous sparks from the dark of the stadiums / The music and medicine you needed for comforting / So make all your fat, fleshy fingers fingers to moving / And pluck all your silly strings and / Bend all your notes for me and / Soft silly music is meaningful, magical / The movements were beautiful / All in your ovaries / All of them milking with green fleshy flowers / While powerful pistons were sugary sweet machines, / Smelling of semen all under the garden / Was all you were needing when you still believed in me.

heheh i hadnt read ur whole post...i guess it was a good experience after all...i just scanned thru it and thought u had become nervous or sumthing...good luck man

and whatd more is you have the "lyrics" from space maneouvers in yer sig!!!! i love that song.

cheers
-Marc

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no obstacles between my heart and my words; my lips, the great liaison to my soul.

Thanks all.

I don't know if I'd quite call it an 'epiphany'.
After looking that up (cause I wasn't totally sure what that meant), I can say that it wasn't quite that Earth shattering as some other people's experiences tell.
It definately gave me a jolt though.

Today I woke up totally refreshed, on top of the world; and I haven't felt like this in a LONG time.

I want to send shout outs to Julie Spider for your kind MSN messages.
You're the best!

I'm together, I'm alive and now it's time to take that next step and day by day, change my world and in the process, maybe make a small postive change in someone else's, even if for a day.

And I'll start right now....you all ROCK!

Jeff

___________________
"...End? No, the journey doesn't end here. Death is just another path...one that we all must take.
The grey rain-curtain of this world rolls back, and all change to silver glass...and then you see it...
...white shores...and beyond...the far green country under a swift sunrise."