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Hey Stephen,
Love some part of this track man, a spatially 3:06 which remind me of late 80's - bit of Modern Talking, Sandra and CC Catch - really nice. This idea (musically/melodically speaking) has so much flexibility/opportunity build in into it that a lot of producers would love to have that play in they own tracks.
So let's start with this - you have a lots of room in your frequencies to introduce new attractive/emotional/atmospheric sound/s - pads, arps, ..... . Spice-up your track with nice FX which can sweeps throughout you song - this is what will help you connect with people.
Try to change this open hats (like Eric J said) - doesn't fit/sound well.
Make your drums more active (like Eric J said) - they can play with/change different patterns.
I really like you bass (simple is a beauty), although I would make them (at last in some part of this track) more active as well (typical late 80's and 90's sound).
I would want to work on atmospheric part of your song/composition, you need to try connect/interact with emotional side of your listeners, make them/wont them to listen to your track one more time, and more, and more, ..... .
This is only my opinion and reflect only my view on the music.
Overall nice work and definitively great start man.
Cheers
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