quote:

Originally posted by knowhope An old Italian gentleman lived alone in New Jersey, He wanted to plant his annual tomato garden, but it was very difficult work, as the ground was hard. His only son, Vincent, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament: Dear Vincent, I am felling pretty sad because it looks like i won't be able to plant my tomato garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. I know if you were here my troubles would be over. I know you would be happy to dig the plot for me, like in the old days. Love, Papa A few days later, he received a letter from his son. Dear Papa, Don't dig up that garden. That's where the bodies are buried. Love, Vinnie At 4 a.m. the next morning, FBI agents and local police arrived and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left. That same day, the old man received another letter from his son. Dear Papa, Go ahead and plant the tomatoes now. That's the best i could do under the circumstances Love you, Vinnie..

Fantastic!

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How do you turn a fox into an elephant? Marry It!

If your dog is barking at the back door and your girl is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first? The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.

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Everyday should be a Saturday..

why did the sperm cross the road???

because i put on the wrong pair of socks this morning

There was an African king who lived in a beautiful castle made of grass. In that house was his prize possession, a golden throne. One day, he got word that the neighboring king was planning to invade and steal the throne. The king decided to hide the throne in the attic. As luck would have it, the ceiling collapsed under the weight and the throne hit the king on the head and killed him. Moral? People who live in grass houses shouldn't stow thrones.


Every morning the Trids got up, ate breakfast, and marched over the bridge to Tridville to work. One morning, a troll moved in under the bridge. When the Trids tried to cross the bridge, the troll climbed up and kicked the Trids all the way back to their homes. The Trids decided to take the day off in hopes that the troll would go away, but the next morning the troll once again climbed up onto the bridge and kicked them back to their homes. In desperation, the Trids decided to ask the Rabbi for help. So the next morning the Rabbi walked across the bridge several times but never saw the troll. He went home believing the troll had indeed moved on. When the Trids tried to cross the bridge afterward, the troll climbed up again and kicked the Trids back home. The Rabbi returned to the bridge and called out for the troll. When the troll appeared, the Rabbi asked why he was allowed to cross the bridge but not the Trids. The troll replied, "Silly Rabbi, kicks are for Trids."

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www.misterfalconmusic.com

As I was driving home one day feeling depressed at how my life was falling apart I saw a yard sign that said:

NEED HELP?
CALL JESUS
1-800-005-3787

Out of curiosity and desperation, I did.
A Mexican showed up with a lawnmower.

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quote:

Scott has been introduced to the rave scene, and Ecstasy, by Craig. The two of them go out on the weekends, with some of Craigs friends, and stay up all night, dancing in a drug-fueled trance.

Last edited by Moral Hazard on Apr-26-2011 at 07:48

SIMPLE TRUTH 1

Partners help each other undress before sex.
However after sex, they always dress on their own.
Moral of the story:
In life, no one helps you once you're screwed.

SIMPLE TRUTH 2

When a lady is pregnant, all her friends touch the stomach and saying "congrats".
But, none of them come and touch the man's penis and say "Good job".
Moral of the story:
"Hard work is never appreciated"

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Everyday should be a Saturday..