it feels strangely comforting to have the cor discussing my failed relationship

I guess I never thought about the "needs guys around them to feel good about themselves" side to girls, even when the obvious signs were hitting me over the head. I just didn't want to face that possibility because things were going perfectly before this came along.

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C.S. Lewis was of the opinion that women and men could not truly be friends. I am inclined to agree.

It is a situational thing though.

I have a friend that at first I wanted to bang, but soon lost interest in banging and we became best friends for quite a few years. Yes it was a girl.

Only recently she was like "We should have banged". I was like "Maybe". Then we went back to watching Family Guy.

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quote:

Originally posted by Alex It is a situational thing though. I have a friend that at first I wanted to bang, but soon lost interest in banging and we became best friends for quite a few years. Yes it was a girl. Only recently she was like "We should have banged". I was like "Maybe". Then we went back to watching Family Guy.

awesome

yep it can happen but only if there's no physical attraction, if one or both parties is attracted to the other then it cant happen sorry

The B00b Maintenance Guy has spoken

*groan* I just wrote such a fabulous response and then the internet connection died because of a storm and erased it… ugggh I’ll try again. And lol at the fact that I’m always in this debate with someone in the c0r.

quote:

Originally posted by SYSTEM-J I don't want to imply anything because I don't know you guys like you know each other, being a COR outsider, but are you a particularly girly girl? Do guys hold little interest to you outside of attraction because you just aren't into "guy stuff"? Or do you have the more cynical view that guys and girls just inherently don't get on much without attract playing a role?

I don’t think anyone should be really labeled as one or the other, because we all have different tendencies. For example, I am a great housewife. I love hosting dinners, cocktail hours, ensuring everyone that visits me has something to eat and drink (even if it is just freshly baked muffins and coffee), and I generally am the mother figure and take care of everyone. I am very old fashioned – because that was the way I was raised. I take care of my hubby and my family above everything else.

However, that should not be misinterpreted that that is ALL that I am. In fact, I enjoy (and am good at) several “guy things” such as fishing, playing video games (I even give programmers a run for their money), going to the gun range, mixed martial arts – etc. I hold myself in a “proper” manner, but admittedly I get along better with men than I do women. Mainly because women are shady and backstabbing. The issue I am talking about is the respect factor – men and women can be sort of “friends” but there is almost always an underlying emotion from one of the two people. Simply because that person respects boundaries does not mean that it does not exist. In fact, those friendships can tend to be seen as “fraudulent” due to the fact that one of the two people involved might be clinging to the other person and being a “caring and good” friend, purely based on their emotions.

quote:

Well that's the underlying question of this thread: is it a rule, or is just a tendency? The opinion seems split in this thread, and you have to ask if anyone has figured out the human mind or if they've just observed a lot of evidence. Ancedotes don't prove anything.

Of course the opinions in this thread are split. A lot of people are unable to step outside of their own shoes and into someone else’s. They are hold the mindset of “I think “A”, therefore, everyone else thinks “A” as well”. Simply because you (or I) do not have associated feelings for a particular friend, does not mean that that friend feels the same. [Oh, on a side note – has anyone heard of the phrase “denial”? Because even if you ask someone about their feelings point blank, they might have a fear of your reaction and deny any sort of feelings… but no, humans don’t lie, right?!] People are confusing respect for boundaries with “no feelings”. And I have discussed this topic with probably hundreds of people, and both men and women alike admit that with each and every friend they have, there have been feelings associated for one of the people involved, eventually.

quote:

Well there's the weird thing. This girl is considered by most to be pretty attractive, but personally she doesn't do anything for me. So this throws up some possibilities. Am I like you, and even though I'm not attracted to her I still know she's seen as attractive, so I earn status by being seen with her? Or is it some sort of inverse, where she finds me attractive but I'm seen as being beneath her standards and so social pressure precludes her from making any moves?

By this girl, do you mean a friend or me, in particular? Because any sort of intarweb “friendship” does not apply here in this conversation – we’re discussing person to person friendships. And if you’re not talking about me (sorry, sometimes your posts are a little confusing) that’s a whole other topic of discussion. If it’s a friend of yours that is a girl, you have to realize that the possibility exists that she has feelings for you, although they are not reciprocated on your part. And if you’re asking why she has not made any moves – there are an abundance of reasons. For example: she has a boyfriend, you have a girlfriend, you are of a different race or culture, time constraints with work, past baggage from another relationship, perhaps a friend of hers has feelings for you so you have become “off limits”, she is planning on moving… etc. The list goes on forever.

In fact – I have had this discussion with my hubby on several occasions, and he used to be very quick to defend all of his “girl”friends. Over time, he has come to realize that I was, in fact, right – and that these girls would jump at the chance to be with him/sleep with him, if provided the opportunity. He also realized that for many, many of these girls, their intentions were not pure, and when he would go to them for “advice”, they would intentionally try to sabotage the relationship. These girls make going to “friends and family” dinners REALLY fun! Nothing more enjoyable than walking into a kitchen that has 3 or 4 girls in it, talking shit about someone they just met (me) and barely spoke to, for no reason other than I’m with my current significant other.

quote:

Originally posted by Alex It is a situational thing though. I have a friend that at first I wanted to bang, but soon lost interest in banging and we became best friends for quite a few years. Yes it was a girl. Only recently she was like "We should have banged". I was like "Maybe". Then we went back to watching Family Guy.

Case proven.

quote:

Originally posted by squirrelly In fact – I have had this discussion with my hubby on several occasions, and he used to be very quick to defend all of his “girl”friends. Over time, he has come to realize that I was, in fact, right – and that these girls would jump at the chance to be with him/sleep with him, if provided the opportunity. He also realized that for many, many of these girls, their intentions were not pure, and when he would go to them for “advice”, they would intentionally try to sabotage the relationship. These girls make going to “friends and family” dinners REALLY fun! Nothing more enjoyable than walking into a kitchen that has 3 or 4 girls in it, talking shit about someone they just met (me) and barely spoke to, for no reason other than I’m with my current significant other. Case proven.

Finally someone who realizes it goes both ways and isn't just about guys wanting to fuck girls. We've already won because we have the cock.

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quote:

Originally posted by squirrelly I don’t think anyone should be really labeled as one or the other, because we all have different tendencies.

I agree- I wasn't implying a binary opposition, but rather a spectrum of "manliness" and "girliness". From my experience some people are extremely stereotypical in their interests, and so would have little in common with the opposite sex. Most of us lie in the middle ground somewhere.

quote:

The issue I am talking about is the respect factor – men and women can be sort of “friends” but there is almost always an underlying emotion from one of the two people. Simply because that person respects boundaries does not mean that it does not exist. In fact, those friendships can tend to be seen as “fraudulent” due to the fact that one of the two people involved might be clinging to the other person and being a “caring and good” friend, purely based on their emotions.

That "fraudulent" factor is what bothers me. It's a pretty depressing outlook on life, for me.

quote:

By this girl, do you mean a friend or me, in particular? Because any sort of intarweb “friendship” does not apply here in this conversation – we’re discussing person to person friendships. And if you’re not talking about me (sorry, sometimes your posts are a little confusing) that’s a whole other topic of discussion.

I wasn't talking about you. I don't know you very well and since I don't post in the COR very often I don't really have any friends here. I'm only talking about person-to-person friendships here.

I'm also sorry if my posts are confusing, although I'm not sure why people are struggling to follow who I'm addressing. I tend to quote and answer several different people in one post, which might be it.

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Apparently humans are genetically hardwired to go boning each other.

I find a lot of my female friends attractive.

What separates me from most others is that since I'm not an animal, I exercise self discipline.

So I don't go around boning my female friends.

And there is this risk-consequence thing. So I get one night of pleasure out of boning my friend. Is it worth the long term awkwardness in friendship, and possibility of losing her as a friend?

Hmmm.. I sound really gay there.

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quote:

Originally posted by chinamon not true. i say "ugh" but i am a tranny.

quote:

Originally posted by kotsy lol colour me retarded

You are an animal, you're just awful at it.

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Than are dreamt of in your philosophy.

If we analyze friendship for merely what it is, I think we can probably agree that the only reason we make "friends" in the first place is because we view the union or correspondence as being at least redemptively advantageous in some way. Even if you have some really shitty "friends", you only consider them your friends because of what you get out of them - whether that results in a net loss of some sort is irrelevant.

As Jenny said, if you are the type of person with a propensity for viewing the opposite sex as an object foremost, you are probably going to be in the "it's impossible" group.

But I would say it's completely possible to maintain a platonic friendship with the opposite sex over the course of an entire lifetime, relations never fully realized. But is this to say that in most cases, there is never a moment (at least on one side of the relationship) where there is at least some semblance of sexual attraction - realized or not? Well, my specific exemptions and diction can probably tell you what I think.

As Enigmatik said though - if there is ever a hint of attraction, it is foolish to think this can ever truly go away. It can be denied and ignored up and down forever, but the only sure thing about this argument - I would say - is that there really is no depth to which the human heart can conceal itself from that secret realm we all realize to be both latent and utterly natural.

I think a more interesting question would be: Is it possible to be nothing but friends throughout the course of a lifetime, even when there exists a sexual attraction (no matter the magnitude) never fully realized? Of course nobody here is at the end of their lives, fully capable of saying for sure, but I would say it's possible. Even more interesting still: Is it worth it?

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There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio,
Than are dreamt of in your philosophy.