this guy

Once, while I was on vacation, I had eaten some really bad food I guess, because back in the hotel (luckily.. it could have happened anywhere) I felt shit coming up as quickly as I've never had before.. but I had to vomit too. Racing into the bathroom, I had to make choice: shit or vomit? I chose to shit, and while pulling down my pants and turning around, I started vomiting all over my pants, floor and wall. Luckily I was right on time with pulling down my pants and sitting down, so I didn't shat my pants. Close call though (and still one hell of a messy situation).

quote:

Originally posted by malek i read somewhere that bodily urges are paused during "sexy times". you're not supposed to want to take a dump.

yeah. a man is not supposed to do half a G of coke before sex either. what are you gonna do, though?

I was a latchkey kid in the latter part of my elementary years and I recall one day arriving home after school and having forgotten my key. It was early spring and I remember the weather being nice so I thought to just hang out outside until my mother got home. The only problem was that I had to shit. And badly.

So my first thought was to try the sliding glass door at the back patio. Sure enough it was unlocked.....but would only slide open a small amount due to a strategically placed broom handle - the deterrent of thieves and would-be shitters everywhere. At least the door slid open enough for the family dog to join me outside. He could keep me company for the hour and half until my mother got home and keep my mind off of the giant turd in my ass. Well that worked for about 23 seconds and I realized I was just going to have to poop. So I ran down to the storage shed at the back of our yard and sought privacy behind it. Dropped my pants and pooped there in the presence of nature. I wrinkled up some notebook paper to soften it a little and used that to clean myself. It was a no wiper though! Glorious day! Anyways, I was feeling much better now and wasn't too traumatized by my neanderthalic act when my dog walks right over to the turd and just starts eating it. I couldn't avert my eyes. He ate it like a fat kid eats a Snickers bar. To this day, I've never told another family member that A. I shat outside nor B. that Ollie ate a human turd.

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quote:

Originally posted by Ygrene I was a latchkey kid in the latter part of my elementary years and I recall one day arriving home after school and having forgotten my key. It was early spring and I remember the weather being nice so I thought to just hang out outside until my mother got home. The only problem was that I had to shit. And badly. So my first thought was to try the sliding glass door at the back patio. Sure enough it was unlocked.....but would only slide open a small amount due to a strategically placed broom handle - the deterrent of thieves and would-be shitters everywhere. At least the door slid open enough for the family dog to join me outside. He could keep me company for the hour and half until my mother got home and keep my mind off of the giant turd in my ass. Well that worked for about 23 seconds and I realized I was just going to have to poop. So I ran down to the storage shed at the back of our yard and sought privacy behind it. Dropped my pants and pooped there in the presence of nature. I wrinkled up some notebook paper to soften it a little and used that to clean myself. It was a no wiper though! Glorious day! Anyways, I was feeling much better now and wasn't too traumatized by my neanderthalic act when my dog walks right over to the turd and just starts eating it. I couldn't avert my eyes. He ate it like a fat kid eats a Snickers bar. To this day, I've never told another family member that A. I shat outside nor B. that Ollie ate a human turd.

did you at least have some corn bits in it?

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Originally posted by denys envy did you at least have some corn bits in it?

Peanuts. There were peanuts.

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quote:

Originally posted by trunks1022 this guy

That was a bad day to have the shits, he might have been alright if it was a brick of a turd, not only due to there being less embarrassment, but also due to the chances of the competition slipping on it.

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>>> Beatport Stuff <<<

quote:

Originally posted by Ygrene Peanuts. There were peanuts.

well there's a bright side.

quote:

Originally posted by Ygrene

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My Set Archive - MY BLOG

Since we're bumping shitty threads...this was another epic one

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My Set Archive - MY BLOG

quote:

Originally posted by Ygrene I was a latchkey kid in the latter part of my elementary years and I recall one day arriving home after school and having forgotten my key. It was early spring and I remember the weather being nice so I thought to just hang out outside until my mother got home. The only problem was that I had to shit. And badly. So my first thought was to try the sliding glass door at the back patio. Sure enough it was unlocked.....but would only slide open a small amount due to a strategically placed broom handle - the deterrent of thieves and would-be shitters everywhere. At least the door slid open enough for the family dog to join me outside. He could keep me company for the hour and half until my mother got home and keep my mind off of the giant turd in my ass. Well that worked for about 23 seconds and I realized I was just going to have to poop. So I ran down to the storage shed at the back of our yard and sought privacy behind it. Dropped my pants and pooped there in the presence of nature. I wrinkled up some notebook paper to soften it a little and used that to clean myself. It was a no wiper though! Glorious day! Anyways, I was feeling much better now and wasn't too traumatized by my neanderthalic act when my dog walks right over to the turd and just starts eating it. I couldn't avert my eyes. He ate it like a fat kid eats a Snickers bar. To this day, I've never told another family member that A. I shat outside nor B. that Ollie ate a human turd.

Well, im lactose intollerant. And it sucks sometimes when people make dinner for you and forget.

ANYWAY. I just had finished working and was eating on the way home, a nice chicken sandwich. It was pritty much the best thing ive eaten for weeks. It was a good thing there were lots of it to. Since there is a long way home when walking. But anyway the sandwich was devoured pritty fast. So im strutting on my way home like Leo dicaprio when i suddenly felt "the cramp". It was the fucking butter!

Ive had this "illnes" since birth so i know when im getting the shits, and how severe it is. This time...it was bad.

Anyway i was running home as fast as i could. Or jogged is maybe the right way to say it. Or hopped. Whatever.

And as soon as i got to the door to my apartment i realised that i only had one key to the door. And there is two locks. I NEVER used more than one key, mostly because there was only ONE key to the other lock.

But a friend of mine was sleeping over and had locked BOTH FUCKING LOCKS AND HAD SLIPPED BOTH KEYS INTO THE FUCKING MAILBOX SLOT IN THE DOOR!!!

I opened the mailbox slot and saw the keys on the floor in my apartment. Jesus fucking christ... I felt pale and coldsweat was pouring from the palms of my hands.

How can i get to those keys?

Instinctivly i ran down stairs (3 floors) and out. There was some construction going on and i was looking to see if they had a portopottie or something.

BUT! I found a long coppercable that was stiff enough that you could bend it! And fucking Mcguyver that i am i ran up stair again.
And started to fish for the keys.

-aaaalmost there.... ALMOST THERE, GOT THEM!!!!

And i actually said it out loud "IVE GOT THEM!"


And at the same moment i shat my self...

It must have been the excitement that i actually got the keys.
Well, anyway, this is the first place i actually talk about this, not even my gf knows this.


Edit: Sorry for bad grammar and spelling.

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boink!

Last edited by Crash on Jan-06-2011 at 18:50