Registered: Feb 2005
Location: Upper West Side NYC
quote:
Originally posted by jennypie
I think cheating involves anything that is dishonest towards your partner, in terms of the boundaries agreed upon in the relationship.
yup, and in my case, we are not being dishonest (if or ever it occurs).
Some people think that "open" means "swingers" or "promiscuous people." That is no the case BY FAR. I keep it open because I understand the urges to be with others at times, and we have not made the committment to be married, or have children, in which case the "open" will become "closed."
BUT please understand that going "elsewhere" is NOT something that happens every weekend, rather, it actually happens VERY rarely...but the option is there. Does not mean I love him any less or am missing something. Nor are we "cheating" because we are not being dishonest with each other. The jealousy factor does not apply to us, or we wouldnt be IN this situation, because it would NOT WORK otherwise.
^rachel, hope that explains it a little. I 1000% understand that this is NOT the norm and people have a hard time comprehending such a relationship, but it WORKS for us. Most people have a strong reaction to their partner being with other people, and in this case I do not (unless love/emotions are involved of course). Infact, this whole thing was MY idea, not his (as people generally think). I feel as if we are still young and still should have the opportunity to do what we want until the ultimate commitment is made, and at that point, it will end.
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May-13-2008 23:35
yankeeBaby
Keepin it real....
Registered: Feb 2005
Location: Upper West Side NYC
quote:
Originally posted by UmmiE
Whoever is posting from jenny's account please log out this is a serious thread.
___________________
May-13-2008 23:35
DigiNut
You kids get off my lawn!
Registered: Dec 2002
Location: Toronto, Self-proclaimed Centre of the Universe
quote:
Originally posted by chico
in sense of mutually consenting to each other's actions - swingers or sexually adventurous married couples. they may be happily married, mortgage, 2.4 kids but at nighttime they have arrangements with each other that extend beyond 'normal' married sexual practices
Then how is it cheating? It's like your run-of-the-mill Ménage-à-trois. If they both consent then it also doesn't seem likely that this would end in divorce.
Cheating fundamentally involves dishonesty. Simply because this isn't typical for some or most married couples doesn't make it dishonest or destructive for others.
___________________
My party schedule:
2009-02-21 - DJ Attention @ I'm So Popular
2009-06-18 - DJ Annoying @ People Need To Know Where I'll Be
2012-11-32 - DJ Insufferable ɸ Or At Least the Stalkers I Complain About
2048-06-66 - Spastic & Whocares ¶ Although I'm Actually Flattered
9999-45-81 - Tweaker Gimp ☼ I Probably Won't Even Go To This But I Have To Make Sure I Fill Up All The Available Space Here
May-13-2008 23:42
yankeeBaby
Keepin it real....
Registered: Feb 2005
Location: Upper West Side NYC
quote:
Originally posted by DigiNut
Cheating fundamentally involves dishonesty. Simply because this isn't typical for some or most married couples doesn't make it dishonest or destructive for others.
Exactly exactly exactly.
___________________
May-13-2008 23:45
malek
drinks your milkshake!
Registered: Nov 2001
Location: Montréal
quote:
Originally posted by Xavier Moriarty
everybody cheats. sooner or later we all give in to our basic, most primitive instincts ("ooooh look at them tits" or "oooooh hes so hot").
exactly, there's an expression for that, it says: Opportunity makes the thief, in this case it would be:
Opportunity makes the cheater.
If you mean everybody as in 99.5% of people, then you are absolutely right.
If you could do it and no one would ever know it happened, the perfect opportunity, you would do it, all of you, don't lie to yourselves.
Originally posted by DigiNut
Then how is it cheating? It's like your run-of-the-mill Ménage-à-trois. If they both consent then it also doesn't seem likely that this would end in divorce.
Cheating fundamentally involves dishonesty. Simply because this isn't typical for some or most married couples doesn't make it dishonest or destructive for others.
i wasn't saying it was cheating, but i agree my words were convoluted and poorly phrased.
essentially i was making two separate statements that were at crossed purposes:
1) married people don't necessarily have to be monogamous
2) married people cheat fairly frequently if rates of divorce are a good indication
my point was that marriage is the same as any kind of relationship, it doesn't change the rules unless that was involved as part of the agreement, in which case it's not creating the rule only a catalyst for change.
May-13-2008 23:53
Silky Johnson
International Playa Hater
Registered: Nov 2003
Location:
quote:
Originally posted by malek
If you could do it and no one would ever know it happened, the perfect opportunity, you would do it, all of you, don't lie to yourselves.
LoL, uh actually...no I wouldn't. I'D still know. That actually means something to some people, you know.
May-13-2008 23:54
malek
drinks your milkshake!
Registered: Nov 2001
Location: Montréal
quote:
Originally posted by jennypie
LoL, uh actually...no I wouldn't. I'D still know. That actually means something to some people, you know.
the perfect guy, the perfect moment, the perfect mindframe, an opportunity, no one would know,... you wouldn't let it down.
Originally posted by malek
the perfect guy, the perfect moment, the perfect mindframe, an opportunity, no one would know,... you wouldn't let it down.
I have the perfect guy already. You can think what you want, but that isn't my style.
May-13-2008 23:57
DigiNut
You kids get off my lawn!
Registered: Dec 2002
Location: Toronto, Self-proclaimed Centre of the Universe
quote:
Originally posted by chico
2) married people cheat fairly frequently if rates of divorce are a good indication
I would tend to disagree here. Cheating and divorce are symptoms of a common problem (i.e. that they simply don't like each other anymore). But divorce also has other causes, like neglect, domestic violence, arguments over the kids, or simply the inability to live together and put up with each other 24/7 or 16/7. So in summary I do not think the rates of divorce are a good indication of how frequently married couples cheat on each other.
quote:
my point was that marriage is the same as any kind of relationship, it doesn't change the rules unless that was involved as part of the agreement, in which case it's not creating the rule only a catalyst for change.
Fair enough, I can't fault anything in that. I think it's also fair to say that in the majority of cases, marriage represents a narrowing of whatever boundaries were present before the marriage.
___________________
My party schedule:
2009-02-21 - DJ Attention @ I'm So Popular
2009-06-18 - DJ Annoying @ People Need To Know Where I'll Be
2012-11-32 - DJ Insufferable ɸ Or At Least the Stalkers I Complain About
2048-06-66 - Spastic & Whocares ¶ Although I'm Actually Flattered
9999-45-81 - Tweaker Gimp ☼ I Probably Won't Even Go To This But I Have To Make Sure I Fill Up All The Available Space Here
May-14-2008 00:01
DigiNut
You kids get off my lawn!
Registered: Dec 2002
Location: Toronto, Self-proclaimed Centre of the Universe
quote:
Originally posted by jennypie
I have the perfect guy already.
___________________
My party schedule:
2009-02-21 - DJ Attention @ I'm So Popular
2009-06-18 - DJ Annoying @ People Need To Know Where I'll Be
2012-11-32 - DJ Insufferable ɸ Or At Least the Stalkers I Complain About
2048-06-66 - Spastic & Whocares ¶ Although I'm Actually Flattered
9999-45-81 - Tweaker Gimp ☼ I Probably Won't Even Go To This But I Have To Make Sure I Fill Up All The Available Space Here
May-14-2008 00:01
Silky Johnson
International Playa Hater
Registered: Nov 2003
Location:
I didn't mean it like that...well I do...but Malek's statement is based on the assumption that people (me) are constantly looking for something better, or for that opportunity, or are open to other possibilites. But I'm not, because I already have what I want. If I wanted something else, or wanted to be open to something else, I'd break up with him. It's a pretty simple concept.
