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I started skimming towards the latter half of the thread, so forgive me if I start repeating ideals here.
I was spanked when I was a child. Honestly, I've never really had a problem with that type of punishment as a whole, only how some people carried it out. For me, I was never spanked "on the spot" out of anger, nor was I ever hit so hard that it would leave any kind of real mark. My father would calmly inform me that I would be paddled, and there was a period of time where I would have to go to my room and... I guess, "prepare" for my spanking. Then he would come get me, have a chat about why I was being punished, and he would carry it out. I hated it, but it was an effective form of punishment for me. To me, this is a lot different than someone whipping their kid with a belt when they catch them in the act of doing something bad, yelling and screaming in anger, etc.
Now, fast forward to me being put in the position of a parent. Our little girl is 3 years old, and is one of those kids that's particularly headstrong in a lot of ways (she's great, don't get me wrong... she just has quite a little temper and can get bossy). As she was becoming a toddler, we were trying varying forms of punishment and trying to find what worked for her. We had discussed that neither one of us were outright opposed to the idea of spanking, but just had chosen not to do so.
One time, she was being particularly defiant and her mom decided to try spanking her. IMMEDIATELY after this punishment was carried out, she started hitting people... other kids, us, the dogs, etc. Huge red flag. We have decided that, for her, this is definitely not an appropriate punishment. She was clearly getting the idea to respond to negative situations with violence and that is not the message we want to convey. So, we have never spanked her since.
We have found that time outs are particularly effective for her, but I think it's important to carry those out appropriately as well. We have a particular "spot" in the house for time out, and she is required to sit there quietly for 3 minutes (and she almost always does so without issue). We take her to the spot, and say something like "I'm putting you in time out because I said X and you did Y, and that's not nice." She sits her 3 minutes, and we tell her again, "I put you in time out because I said X and you did Y. We want you to start listening when we ask you to do something. Okay?" And she almost always responds with "okay, sowwie" and gives us a hug.
Since having this experience, it has really changed my views on punishment. I'm not saying that I immediately judge or disagree with someone who performs corporal punishment... but I have found a method of correction which works better for me and I like that I don't have to resort to anything physical.
COR version: There is a right and wrong way to punish every child.
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