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I don't think that anyone has said it's a big secret and they are afraid to say their number. If asked, I will tell. Simply put, I don't see how asking will benefit anything in the relationship.
If someone is super sexually active, that's something you'll figure out within 20 minutes of even speaking to that person the first time you meet them, same with if someone is very sexually reserved. I doubt that if you've had 50 partners, for example, that you're not going to blurt out sexual comments, be overly flirtatious, imply about going home with that person, etc.
Since you're all about "behavior", the way a person holds themselves and the respect they have to you will tell you more about how they are in a relationship than the number of people they have slept with. For example, a man who is concerned about whether or not you are ready to sleep together (whether it be date 2, 5, or 37), and pauses to ask if this is something you really want or if you would feel more comfortable waiting longer is probably someone who holds relationships with a little bit more respect than someone who has a condom ready in their wallet.
Person number one, who is loving and caring and patient, may have had 27 women prior to you, but holds you in higher respect and regard than the women before because you have qualities he appreciates. Person number 2 may have had 2 or 3 partners, but holds women in low regard and is only interested in you to satisfy himself.
When you're starting a relationship with someone, you are starting fresh. Day one is the first page of the first chapter of YOUR relationship with that person. To inquire about the past or judge them for what they have done, is back tracking, and showing that you might not trust that they are genuine. Chances are, if you have suspicions about their behavior, and you're inquiring, it's because something in their behavior towards YOU led you to believe they are overly sexually active and have commitment issues.
If someone is behaving the way you are comfortable with, and you feel respected and that their intentions are genuinely good, the need to ask about sexual history is diminished.
And what I was referring to before, is when you first meet someone, you are attracted to them only physically and sexually, without knowing anything about their personality. So, in short, sex is what drives you to that person to begin with. You wouldn't date anyone you weren't physically attracted to or you couldn't see yourself having sex with. So, sex IS the primary basis for the beginning of dating. To then turn around and say having sex with a lot of people is wrong, when it's what attracted you to that person in the first place (the thought of being intimate with each other), is ridiculous. To judge someone for merely acting on the same physical attraction to someone else that you were feeling towards them doesn't make sense.
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and I also agree with Jamie. How many people someone slept with, is THEIR business, not yours. And you're foolish if you think someone isn't going to lie to you about their number to appease you. You know about your friends number because you're their friend. Every guy I know that has had a lot of partners, lies about how many people they have been with. So asking the question in itself, is pointless, because you're never going to know the truth.
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