quote:

Originally posted by Yohan Another question. Can there be a strong relationship without a satisfactory sex life?

No, definitely not. It's the icing on the cake, really.


Well actually I dunno...I guess it's possible...but uh, yeah no. Lol.

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Originally posted by English Rachel Kaniz, with all due respect, gay relationships are very different.

That I will agree with.

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Originally posted by English Rachel Thanks Yohan, you're helping me here I don't believe that you can have a strong relationship without a GREAT sex life nor without GREAT compatibility/attraction, GREAT care and compassion for each other, GREAT respect, GREAT adventures and GREAT future plans. It's a package for me - it all has to be there.

I think it depends on just how bad the sex-life is and the reasons why its bad. There is some element of "if it's broken in the bedroom, then it is symptomatic of problems in other areas of the relationship". If that is the case, then opening the door on things is simply not the answer.

But say, your partner is on medication which is severely killing their sex drive to the point of non-existence? While an extreme example - it can cause problems in the bedroom. And just as "issues outside of the sexlife can impact your sexlife", your sexlife can impact other areas of your relationship.

I've had pretty 'flexible' relationships in the past, and found that "when things were going swimmingly", I'm more open to the idea of being open. When things hit a rocky patch - I'd rather put a hold onto the 'open' aspects until the other issues got sorted out.


When I'm in a period where I am feeling secure in a relationship and know/think the other person is on the same page, then I'm fairly confident that anything going on outside of the relationship is not a threat to what we have going.

I've been on both sides of the coin - from very open, to monogamous, and currently on the more monogamous side of things. I just think that being monogamous or not is simply another 'rule' that people can discuss/consider when figuring out what works for them.

For some people, it is the *ONLY* option, and is a deal breaker. For other people, it's open to discussion. No one way is right or wrong.

Every relationship is different, what works best for YOUR relationships is what is best for you, but not necessarily for the couple sitting next to you.

I think some people are turned off by the idea of an open relationship because they think it's simply a free-card for the people to run around and be total sluts, which isn't the case (in most cases).

For some people, smoking is a deal breaker. For me, not liking techno would probably be a deal breaker

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Originally posted by kaniz But say, your partner is on medication which is severely killing their sex drive to the point of non-existence? While an extreme example - it can cause problems in the bedroom. And just as "issues outside of the sexlife can impact your sexlife", your sexlife can impact other areas of your relationship.

I understand, as do I for physical problems. For the sake of my input into this conversation though, I am not including extenuating circumstances such as those

I agree, too, with the fact that it is 'each to their own' - for sure it is! And just as me being vegetarian is my firm belief, I recognize that open relationships can be the firm belief of others.

I am just saying, in a very clumsy way, that it DOES NOT COMPUTE in my head... I get to the stage of accepting for other people but when I try and even think about it for myself, I draw a blank. Now, I know a lot of people think I am eclectic or a little strange for my love of animals but I have yet to meet someone who genuinely doesn't understand my beliefs AT ALL. I don't understand 'open' AT ALL.

Again, I feel like it is driving me crazy

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Originally posted by English Rachel I don't understand 'open' AT ALL.

me neither. tried it once, good ol' "you dont tell me what do you do and i wont tell you what do i do".

at first i was thrilled, shit, getting some at home plus all the pussy i can handle on the side. and its true, girls can somehow sense man is in love or taken or whatever and.... lets just say the amount of girls interested in me during that time was redicilous.

and then it backfired in the worst way possible. as soon some emotions developed it turned very ugly. took me a long ass time to get my shit together.

i could understand the concept of "open relationship" if there was no emotions involved but i cant wrap my mind around loving somebody and banging som,ebody else on the side.

but thats just me.

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Is this all because people are shit at being single and so adapt their version of a relationship to allow single behaviour to take place?

i think it has to do a lot with where we live. back home there is no concept of "open relationship". family comes first. there is cheating, no doubt about it but nothing like open relationship.

please dont bite myhead off, but i also think it has something to do with feminism.

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i wanna wipe my ass with mona lisa !!!

Open Relationship?

Why don't leave your doors unlocked and keys in your car so everyone can use it at their leisure...

On op of everything else, STD's fucking scare me...and i know everyone does NOT use protection all the time, or at one point hasn't even with a random.

As if i want to kiss or make love to significant other on a saturday or sunday morning after a bar night...the stench of cock or multiple cocks would literally make me vomit.

And vice versa for women, who wants to be tasting some chick who was an easy mark from the night before.

After bar sex which may include dancing at the bar beforehand can be one of the hardest stinks to get rid of in 12 hrs or less.

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Originally posted by English Rachel I understand, as do I for physical problems. For the sake of my input into this conversation though, I am not including extenuating circumstances such as those I agree, too, with the fact that it is 'each to their own' - for sure it is! And just as me being vegetarian is my firm belief, I recognize that open relationships can be the firm belief of others. I am just saying, in a very clumsy way, that it DOES NOT COMPUTE in my head... I get to the stage of accepting for other people but when I try and even think about it for myself, I draw a blank. Now, I know a lot of people think I am eclectic or a little strange for my love of animals but I have yet to meet someone who genuinely doesn't understand my beliefs AT ALL. I don't understand 'open' AT ALL. Again, I feel like it is driving me crazy

I know exactly how you feel.

A lot of things from Western culture was a shock for me, esp. coming from Oriental background, and conservative Christian upbringing to boot.

Took a while, but I learned that even if I don't like it, I can learn to tolerate it. Because what goes on between two consenting adults is none of my business, as long as no one gets hurt.

So stuff like polygamy (between consenting adults), homosexuality, bondage/sado masochism, whatever, I'm still like, WTF is this, but ah well. The world isn't perfect

If the world can tolerate strange weirdo like me, I suppose I can accept some of the weirdos in the world too.

Not a slam on you Rachel, but I think we may be sharing similar experience on this topic

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Originally posted by chinamon not true. i say "ugh" but i am a tranny.

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Originally posted by kotsy lol colour me retarded

Ew fuck.

lol Rachel, dont drive yourself carzy, its perfectly acceptable to run your own relationships your own way, because its YOURS


You are 1000% correct in saying that relationships need great love/adventures/etc/etc. In fact its something that we, as a couple, REQUIRE for ourselves. because, as I mentioned before, our first priority is each other. If we arent making each other happy in our own relationship, then its an indicator that a. something is wrong or b. we are getting our priorities mixed up and spending too much energy elsewhere.

An open relationship can ONLY work if your own relationship is extremely strong and trustworthy. Just as kaniz said, you cant feel threatened or jealousy or mistrustful if you are going to engange in something like this.

An open relatiponship only works when BOTH people want it and BOTH people have the same ideas about how they feel about relationships and each other. Every detail has to be agreed upon, or it could come back and bite you in the ass. We have to be very open in our conversations as to assure that no one is hurt by an action that was never discussed.

Its something we take very seriously and dont even budge when it comes to the rules. Also, quoting kaniz again, the cheating aspect comes from breaking the rules, NOT from fooling around. It just WORKS for some people to have the "option" to go elsewhere. I keep using option, because a lot of people are replying with "swinger" type comments, which AGAIN is certainly not what **MY** relationship is all about. WE DO NOT SLEEP AROUND, period. I dont LIKE to sleep around nor have I ever, but if the opportunity presents itself where I want to go kiss someone else (or whatever...insert action here--->________), then its nice to know that I have the option and will obide by all the rules to the fullest.

Also *IF* my man ever decides that this is no longer for him, the deal is off, period point blank. He is my first priority and it wouldnt concern OR hurt me one bit to ONLY be with him the rest of my life. We are having fun with it for now, but everntually it will just be me and him til the end

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Its something we take very seriously and dont even budge when it comes to the rules.

so what are the rules, if im not asking too much??

___________________
i wanna wipe my ass with mona lisa !!!

I like a Woman, but if she cheat on me I CRUSH HER!

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Originally posted by Xavier Moriarty me neither. tried it once, good ol' "you dont tell me what do you do and i wont tell you what do i do". at first i was thrilled, shit, getting some at home plus all the pussy i can handle on the side. and its true, girls can somehow sense man is in love or taken or whatever and.... lets just say the amount of girls interested in me during that time was redicilous. and then it backfired in the worst way possible. as soon some emotions developed it turned very ugly. took me a long ass time to get my shit together. i could understand the concept of "open relationship" if there was no emotions involved but i cant wrap my mind around loving somebody and banging som,ebody else on the side. but thats just me.

This open relationship isn't for anyone. Like Kelly said, it's for people with deep understanding and maturity in their relationship...

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i think it has to do a lot with where we live. back home there is no concept of "open relationship". family comes first. there is cheating, no doubt about it but nothing like open relationship. please dont bite myhead off, but i also think it has something to do with feminism.

I think you're trying to bring out another important factor in a relationship: trust.

Do you trust your SO that much, that in an open relationship you can believe that he/she just wants sex and have no emotional attachment?

I dunno. There are few people in my life that I would trust my life without any reservation at all.

But these people I don't love them romantically, and easier for me to trust than people I'd love romantically

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quote:

Originally posted by chinamon not true. i say "ugh" but i am a tranny.

quote:

Originally posted by kotsy lol colour me retarded