|
You realize when you get older that things are both simple and complex, everything is a paradox, nothing is what it seems but everything always is what it is, that your perception is everything. I don't like the awareness one gains from maturity, I don't envy the responsibility that it brings, particularly as an agent of imperfection in an imperfect world, struggling with thoughts and feelings of imperfection. Thoughts and feelings can really bury you if you let them, if you're not in an environment that lets you do what's healthy and right. It's a battle everyday, a battle against the world, against yourself, it's a battle to will to do what's right, it's a battle deep within yourself to make your actions conform to your mind and not become enslaved to the waywardness of the heart. As you get older, the intensity of misguided emotions can lead you into a circle of chaos. It's chaotic when you're in a state of self denial, absorbed in your own affairs, led from one emotion to the next as you tell yourself your in control of your destiny. And maybe there is a bit of control you still wield, but it becomes less and less the longer you wait, until eventually time says enough is enough and you're back on track playing the roles you were meant to play in your life. It's really a series of phases that one goes through in life, flowing in and out of different phases of emotion, in and out of different stages of character, in and out of different ways of acting, every day, every moment. You realize the vanity of all except that which matters to your conscience, be it the pursuit of some moral or spiritual goals or perhaps something else outside you that has absolute significance to your life and the lives of those around you. It's a series of choices you're responsible for making every day, that's what life is mainly about, making choices and experiencing the consequences. Unfortunately it's never easy to make the choices that matter, because we're so conflicted, so conflicted within, besieged by forces outside ourselves and within, it's difficult, so difficult to endure. And sometimes we can evade having to make the choice but eventually the passage of time forces you to to do it, and woe to you if you haven't prepared; time always has its say. But thankfully we have the wisdom and support of our our family and friends, neither of who may understand us but who can always be there for us when we there is a need that has to be met. For then there is faith in a power outside oneself, a power that will someday bring peace and freedom to the enduring and ever hopeful soul of man. May we all endure successfully to the end...
|
Mayibuye Africa!
