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jdjd
Supreme tranceaddict
Registered: Aug 2002
Location: sf
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yea a bit cliched, but still good
this one is great: "A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor."
so true, lol headaches are so handy arent they?
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 Nov-15-2003 18:12 
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squirrelly
The Phun Nun
Registered: Oct 2003
Location: In the Shower
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Rules for the Men
The Female always makes The Rules.
The Rules are subject to change at any time without prior notification.
No Male can possibly know all The Rules.
If the Female suspects the Male knows all The Rules, she must immediately change some or all of The Rules.
The Female is never wrong.
(If the Female is wrong, it is because of a flagrant misunderstanding which was a direct result of something the Male did or said wrong.)
(If the rule above applies, the Male must apologize immediately for causing the misunderstanding.)
The Female can change her mind at any given point in time.
The Male must never change his mind without express written consent from the Female.
The Female has every right to be angry or upset at any time.
The Male must remain calm at all times, unless the Female Wants him to be angry or upset.
The Female must under no circumstances let the Male know whether or not she wants him to be angry or upset.
The Male is expected to mind read at all times.
The Male who doesn't abide by The Rules, can't take the heat, lacks a backbone, is a wimp.
At no time can the Male make such comments as "Insignificant" and "Is that all?" when the Female is complaining.
The male should not go under the assumption that he is God in bed. He is most likely not. This is why the female is particularly good at *fake* orgasms.
The male should not speak during a movie. This is the females quiet time to reflect on how the date has gone so far and whether or not to go on another one.
The male should learn how to give himself a proper pedicure. No female would like to get scratched in attempting to cuddle.
“R U a girl?” and “OMGHI2U!” are not pick up lines.
The male should never, ever, under any circumstance, lie to the female. The female always finds out. Always.
If the male’s night out is to be fun, the female should be invited.
If the male’s night out is to involve strippers, remember the Zoo Policy, “No Petting”.
The correct answer to “Do I look fat?” Is never, ever, “Yes”.
Being attentive is a good thing. Stalking is a federal crime.
The male should always, under any circumstance, answer his cell phone. If not able to because of work, head to the bathroom and call back immediately. The female knows you’re at work. There was a reason for the phone call, whether the male knows it or not.
A grunt is seldom an acceptable answer.
Hat does not equal shower, aftershave does not equal soap, and warm does not equal clean.
Answering the question “Who was that on the phone” with “No one”, will never work. The conversation will not cease, and will lead to the male spending the night alone on the couch. End of story.
No means No. Yes means Yes. Silence could mean anything the female feels like at that particular moment in time, and it could change without notice.
The females new haircut, is never bad.
The correct answer to “Is she prettier than me?” would be “No one is as beautiful as you” or something of the like. “She’s *&#$ing hot!!” is unacceptable.
Don’t touch the toothbrush. A kiss does not equal sharing of the fluids in your mouth. There is a gas station down the road.
Each and every time the female does something nice for the male, there should be an immediate “thank you”. The male should not assume that because the female does it often, that she will always do it.
The ex-female is never a good friend for the male to have. Males do not favor the chummy-ness with ex’s. Same goes for females.
Independence (paying for half of the meal) is acceptable. The female paying, should never happen.
Females like intelligent answers, not rude and perverted ones.
If the Female has PMS, all The Rules are null and void.
The rules are never fair. Accept this without question. The fact that she has to go through labor while he sits in the waiting room on his fat ass smoking cigars isn't fair either, and it balances everything.
___________________
aka Tits McGee
aka Chesty LaRue
aka Busty St. Claire
Last edited by squirrelly on Nov-16-2003 at 04:25
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Nov-16-2003 04:18 
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superglo
shake well before use ...
Registered: Jun 2003
Location: in between the sheets
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| quote: | Originally posted by anuneventrade
Rules for the Men
The Female always makes The Rules.
The Rules are subject to change at any time without prior notification.
No Male can possibly know all The Rules.
If the Female suspects the Male knows all The Rules, she must immediately change some or all of The Rules.
The Female is never wrong.
(If the Female is wrong, it is because of a flagrant misunderstanding which was a direct result of something the Male did or said wrong.)
(If the rule above applies, the Male must apologize immediately for causing the misunderstanding.)
The Female can change her mind at any given point in time.
The Male must never change his mind without express written consent from the Female.
The Female has every right to be angry or upset at any time.
The Male must remain calm at all times, unless the Female Wants him to be angry or upset.
The Female must under no circumstances let the Male know whether or not she wants him to be angry or upset.
The Male is expected to mind read at all times.
The Male who doesn't abide by The Rules, can't take the heat, lacks a backbone, is a wimp.
At no time can the Male make such comments as "Insignificant" and "Is that all?" when the Female is complaining.
The male should not go under the assumption that he is God in bed. He is most likely not. This is why the female is particularly good at *fake* orgasms.
The male should not speak during a movie. This is the females quiet time to reflect on how the date has gone so far and whether or not to go on another one.
The male should learn how to give himself a proper pedicure. No female would like to get scratched in attempting to cuddle.
“R U a girl?” and “OMGHI2U!” are not pick up lines.
The male should never, ever, under any circumstance, lie to the female. The female always finds out. Always.
If the male’s night out is to be fun, the female should be invited.
If the male’s night out is to involve strippers, remember the Zoo Policy, “No Petting”.
The correct answer to “Do I look fat?” Is never, ever, “Yes”.
Being attentive is a good thing. Stalking is a federal crime.
The male should always, under any circumstance, answer his cell phone. If not able to because of work, head to the bathroom and call back immediately. The female knows you’re at work. There was a reason for the phone call, whether the male knows it or not.
A grunt is seldom an acceptable answer.
Hat does not equal shower, aftershave does not equal soap, and warm does not equal clean.
Answering the question “Who was that on the phone” with “No one”, will never work. The conversation will not cease, and will lead to the male spending the night alone on the couch. End of story.
No means No. Yes means Yes. Silence could mean anything the female feels like at that particular moment in time, and it could change without notice.
The females new haircut, is never bad.
The correct answer to “Is she prettier than me?” would be “No one is as beautiful as you” or something of the like. “She’s *&#$ing hot!!” is unacceptable.
Don’t touch the toothbrush. A kiss does not equal sharing of the fluids in your mouth. There is a gas station down the road.
Each and every time the female does something nice for the male, there should be an immediate “thank you”. The male should not assume that because the female does it often, that she will always do it.
The ex-female is never a good friend for the male to have. Males do not favor the chummy-ness with ex’s. Same goes for females.
Independence (paying for half of the meal) is acceptable. The female paying, should never happen.
Females like intelligent answers, not rude and perverted ones.
If the Female has PMS, all The Rules are null and void.
The rules are never fair. Accept this without question. The fact that she has to go through labor while he sits in the waiting room on his fat ass smoking cigars isn't fair either, and it balances everything. |
fuckin hilarous..
very well thought out and written.
___________________
thesuperglo - Flaming Popsicle [June 2007 Promo](full-on/dark/goa)
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Nov-16-2003 05:12 
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jdjd
Supreme tranceaddict
Registered: Aug 2002
Location: sf
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most of the female rules can be added to the mens rules.. they're almost the same..
edit: I was expecting something like i heard from a female comedian "women aren't supossed to fart, burp, or sweat.. if we didnt bitch we'd explode" lol
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Nov-16-2003 05:39
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DUMB WHINEY CHICKS SUCK!! AND SO DO PUSHY BITCH ONES!! why can't there be smart and nice ones? *i'm too inexperienced* i just see to many people in some crappy situation similar to that.. it's one of the reasons i'm staying single.
