I know how it is.
you know, depression bites.
I'll give you my story, maybe it will cheer you up.
I was diagnosed with bipolar a couple years ago, it's been hectic ever since. The troubles I have been experiencing over the last couple monthes only effect me, which is a good thing - as I dont like getting others involved, but maybe talking about it helps, because I do like to isolate myself.
So, here it goes.
The beginning of September I lost my job, and was arrested for something I did not do, I have to go back to court on Tuesday to see if I get jail time or not. I can't proove my innocence, because two witnesses "saw" me, in which are dire enemies of mine, so that doesen't give me too much, and I cant afford a lawyer.
About a week later, I was in a car accident - my power steering in my car failed, and I kept going right. My car hit a ditch, flipped over, breaking my back and my leg. I wrote off my car, insurance wouldent cover it. I lost my license because I didint keep right.
So, jobless, carless.. my girlfriend is in Florida working at disney world, I cant pay rent, I cant pay my cell bill, I cant pay for anything because of the medical costs, and all the other shit that went behind it. She surprised me in the hospital (thank god) - that was a moment of relief for me.
So, since I am unemployed and carless, I've been going to events and shows lately (gabriel & dresden, dumonde, future breeze, johan gielen, rank1, lange, etc. etc.) with the money I have saved - and have been doing E, which has been altering my perception, and letting me enjoy life, if only for that brief period. (dont fucking tell me to stop doing it.) - anyways, I've been partying with the same girl, which happens to be my girlfriend's (who is the only girl i've ever loved) - best friend. Now, I am starting to get feelings for her, and to top it off - my girlfriend told me to quit smoking, or quit seeing her. So of course, I had to quit smoking in order to keep her, but I have feelings for her best friend.. and, blah.
I dread going to bed. It literaly scares me. I might be going to jail, my back and leg havent healed yet, I dont know what to do about my girl situation, my car, a job.. life just fucking sucks, I dont eat, I dont sleep. I have lost 30lbs because of it.
There's my story. Hopefully i'm not ignored. 
and stk, as for you.. try smoking, always helped me when I had girl problems. (though I have some now - I still have them from time to time.) women are a part of life. It always takes more than one to find the right one, it's almost like everything in life. You have to know what to look for, and to look forward to. Know that one day there will be a girl that will walk by you, and you will just know. Heart break only makes us stronger as individuals, depression hurts.. but sometimes we have to look at the good things, and the good parts about what happened, I am sure it has made you a better person, what would you have done without her? You may have found someone better and missed that opportunity. Maybe write her a letter, tell her how you feel - I know it is probably eating you up inside, and maybe just telling her exactly how you feel about it, and the situation - she will understand and talk to you about it. It does help, she was not only a lover, but also a friend, and maybe she can take that role once more, and if she does not want that role, then you know she was not a friend to begin with, and you need to replace her. If we continue worrying about the things that have been, then we will miss the things that come up to us in the future.
Enjoy life, I try to. And when things are going down, we always have the beautiful music that binds us all together.
as I type this to sarah mclachlen - fallen (g&d remix) 
Hopefully my ramblings made some sense.
- neoh
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Probably will be in the news.
